He Only Pretended to Like Me

Ryan Collins had been chasing the most popular girl at school, Madison Carter, for six months. She rejected him every single time. Then one day, he came to me. “I heard you and Madison hate each other. Whatever you have, she wants.” “Can I pretend to pursue you? I just want to make her jealous.” I froze. I’d had a crush on Ryan for five years. But this was only the third time he’d ever spoken to me. I wanted to say no. Somehow, I found myself nodding instead. The next day, Ryan started pursuing me. He made sure everyone saw it. He bought me gifts, ate lunch with me, waited for me after school... Just as he’d predicted, Madison finally started making moves on him. What confused me was that Ryan never responded to her advances. He kept going out with me. Once, outside my apartment building, he even kissed me hard enough to leave me breathless. I started to wonder if maybe—just maybe—something between Ryan and me had become real. The very next day, he and Madison officially announced they were together. Then he handed me a card and smiled. “If there’s ever someone you want to go after, I’ll help you too.” I was terrified he’d see how much it hurt. Even more terrified he’d think I would cling to him. So I answered quickly. “It’s fine. I can handle him myself.” ... Ryan and Madison made their relationship official that weekend. Only two weeks after the rumors about Ryan and me had started, I became the school’s laughingstock. The moment I walked into class Monday morning, every pair of eyes turned toward me. Curious. Contemptuous. Gloating. I ignored them, lowered my head, and sat down. A moment later, the quiet classroom filled with whispers again. Dina and several girls crowded around Madison. “Madison, I told you.” Dina laughed. “How could Ryan ever like a plus-size girl like Emma Reynolds?” Another girl immediately chimed in. “Look at that round, freckled face. I couldn’t understand why Ryan suddenly gave up on Madison to chase a pig. Now it makes sense. He was just trying to make Madison jealous.” They burst out laughing. “Hopefully nobody actually thought it was real.” They glanced in my direction. “She should’ve looked in a mirror first. Only a girl like Madison deserves to be Ryan’s girlfriend.” My fingers slowly curled into fists. Avery Smith, the girl sitting next to me, gently touched my arm. “You okay?” I shook my head. I’d known this day would come from the moment I agreed to help Ryan. Still, my mind drifted back to that day. Ryan had been standing a little too close, the scent of cedar surrounding me. I’d clutched the strap of my backpack and stared at him with wide eyes. Ryan was widely considered the hottest guy at Cedar Ridge High School. He liked leaving the top two buttons of his white button-down undone and rolling up his sleeves to expose his muscular forearms. He looked like a young Russian mobster straight out of a movie. Dangerous and impossibly attractive. I didn’t snap out of my daze until he repeated himself. “Sorry. I really don’t know what else to do,” he’d said. “I know you and Madison don’t get along, so I thought... if I started pursuing you, maybe she’d feel threatened.” “Of course, I won’t force you if you don’t want to. But if you agree, I’ll pay you well when this is over.” The tiny spark of happiness in my chest died instantly. Heat rushed to my face. I should’ve refused. But somehow, I remembered the first time I’d seen him. For five years, we’d passed each other countless times. And for all those years, I’d secretly liked him. If I gave up this chance, I might never get another one. So I nodded. I knew my secret would stay buried forever. Then I scrambled for a reasonable excuse. Money sounded good. So I asked softly, “You’ll pay me when it’s over, right?”

I caught the almost imperceptible relief on his face. The wind tugged at the hem of his shirt as he chuckled. “Yeah. Don’t worry.” “Oh, and...” He hesitated. “Emma, I still hope you can... try not to fall for me.” My fingers clenched together. For a moment, I could barely breathe. “I thought about asking other girls before, but the second they see me, they immediately get that look. You know what I mean.” His smile grew brighter and more careless. “But you’re different. Whenever you see me, you never even look my way. I know you’re a little...” His gaze swept over my body. “Look, being a nerd was the right choice for you.” “That’s why I feel safe doing this with you.” As he spoke, he ruffled my hair hard, treating me like some trusted teammate. I pulled away. “Don’t worry. I don’t like you.” The next day, for the first time, Ryan ignored Madison and walked straight toward me. He placed a gift box on my desk. We barely knew each other, yet he acted as if we’d been friends forever. “A bracelet. It’s your style.” I glanced at the brand name. It started with a B. I’d never heard of it. He smiled. “Can I wait for you after school and walk you home?” Over and over, I reminded myself that this was a lie. Eventually, I would wake up from this dream. Still, I held out my wrist and let him fasten the bracelet around it. Then he lowered his head and kissed me. Whispers erupted around us. Several students pulled out their phones to take pictures. There weren’t many moments from my dull teenage years worth remembering. But this one was beautiful. For the next two weeks or so, Ryan and I became practically inseparable at school. Even though I knew he treated me exactly the way he used to treat Madison. He gave me gifts where everyone could see. He waited for me after school every day. He even helped me straighten up the classroom after class. He invited me to his basketball games and, right in front of Madison, only accepted water from me. Whenever there was a school activity, he deliberately came over to partner with me. One afternoon, we were walking side by side beneath the trees as a breeze rustled through the leaves. I frowned anxiously and spoke quickly. “Madison kept looking at you today. I think if you keep this up a little longer, she’ll come to you herself.” Ryan stopped. Then he stepped back and looked at me. Suddenly, he laughed. “Emma, why do you look... more anxious about this than I am?” My chest rose and fell. He seemed to have forgotten that one month was the deadline he’d set for our arrangement. He’d told me that if Madison still hadn’t responded after a month, he would give up. He couldn’t pretend to be close to a stranger forever. I turned and kept walking. I didn’t remind him. It was selfish, but I wanted a little more time. I thought Madison would hold out for a long time. She lasted three days. Ryan and I were about to see a movie when she stopped us. She smiled at Ryan. “Ryan, you don’t mind if I come too, right? As far as I know, you two aren’t actually together.” Ryan leaned against the counter, raised an eyebrow, and smiled.

He didn’t refuse. After that, no matter what we did, Madison always managed to appear at exactly the right moment while pretending she didn’t care. Usually, all I had to do was fall half a step behind. Then there was no room left for me between Ryan and Madison. Somehow, whenever they started out keeping their distance, they always ended up impossibly close. At bookstores, libraries, movie theaters... I was always the third wheel. Sometimes Madison would suddenly remember I existed and smile at me. “Oh, right. I forgot. You’re pursuing Emma.” Then she’d stick her tongue out at Ryan. “Oops. Am I getting in the way?” Ryan seemed to enjoy being chased by her. He never rejected her. He’d simply let a smile tug at his lips and allow her to do whatever she wanted. Even though, in everyone else’s eyes, I was the girl he was pursuing. As for me... I had no right to complain. I thought things would continue like that forever. Until Saturday, when Ryan invited us to a party at his family’s house. Madison was there too. The place was packed. In the middle of the crowd, someone suddenly bumped into me. I fell straight into the pool. Somehow, Madison ended up in the water too, looking like she was drowning. Ryan jumped in almost immediately. Without hesitation, he swam toward Madison, caught her, and quickly pulled her to safety. I struggled in the freezing water for what felt like centuries. Finally, another student jumped in and pulled me out. I lay on the ground coughing up water while Ryan carried Madison away. He didn’t even look at me. Someone nearby asked, “Isn’t Ryan dating Emma? Why did he save Madison?” “You don’t get it. Madison’s the one he really likes.” “I saw Madison wrap her arms around his neck just now. She was crying and saying, ‘You obviously care about me most. Ryan, I’ll be with you. Stop chasing Emma, okay?’” I lowered my head and slowly wrung the water from my clothes, as if I could squeeze the cold dampness out of my heart too. Ryan stayed with Madison all night. A few days later, several messages from Ryan appeared on my phone. [Sorry. I didn’t know you fell into the pool that night too. Are you okay?] [Thanks for helping me these past few weeks. About the payment I promised you—when are you free?] [How about after school today? Same place. I’ll have someone bring you the money.] [Also, I hope you’ll delete our messages and photos from the past few weeks.] [This ends here. I don’t want Madison getting upset, so I’m deleting you first.] I tried to reply. [You don’t have to pay me.] The message failed to go through. He’d already blocked me. I opened my camera roll and quickly found the only picture Ryan and I had taken together. It was from the fifteenth day of our fake relationship. I’d suggested taking a picture specifically for Madison to see. “It might work better that way,” I’d said awkwardly. I’d lowered my head, waiting for him to reject me. Instead, Ryan suddenly took my phone, bent slightly toward the camera, and let the corner of his mouth lift. I froze. Then I carefully stood behind him, secretly watching him from the corner of my eye. I stared at the photo for a while. I didn’t delete it. During the last class that day, I was collecting calculus assignments for the teacher when Madison looked at me over her workbook. “Emma, it’s normal for girls to like guys like Ryan.” “He told me what happened between you two was fake. But if you really did fall for him... please control yourself.” “After all, he’s my boyfriend now.” I took the workbook from her and answered calmly. “Don’t worry. I don’t like him.” After that, I kept hearing stories about Ryan and Madison. Ryan took her to his family’s estate outside the city and set off fireworks for her all night. On weekends, he took her everywhere. Roller coasters. Ferris wheels. Everywhere they went, new pictures of them appeared. Someone even accidentally spotted Ryan pinning Madison against a tree in Lovers’ Grove and kissing her. But soon, all that exciting gossip was buried by something new. A transfer student joined our class.