The Red Lotus Burns, the White Lotus Deceives

All because I didn't bleed on our wedding night. Chester Gilbert, who suffered from an extremely severe obsession with purity, decided I was an unclean woman. Every night he would hold me down in the bathtub and pour water almost seventy degrees Celsius over my whole body. He wouldn't let me out until my skin was red and peeling all over. No matter how I explained that this was perfectly normal, he simply wouldn't believe me. "Josie says a girl always bleeds her first time." "She's a woman herself. Why would she lie to me?" "If you don't dare get in the water, it just proves you've got something to hide." I thought about it and figured that maybe the shadow of his mother's affair in his childhood had made him a little paranoid about this kind of thing. So I chose to bear it. Until the night of my birthday, when I saw with my own eyes Chester and his childhood friend sleeping in our wedding bed. When she saw me appear, Josephine even deliberately pulled back the blanket to show me that streak of red. "See? I told you, a girl always bleeds her first time." Chester didn't show the slightest guilt at being caught cheating. "Eva, now we're even. I can finally forgive you." But Chester, I will never forgive you again. And I will never take you back either. 1. I didn't cry, and I didn't rush forward screaming in pain. I just quietly turned around, walked to the wardrobe, and started packing my clothes. Josephine clicked her tongue when she saw it. "Your wife's upset. You'd better go comfort her, or she'll grab her bags and run off in a minute." Chester frowned, got out of bed, and roughly yanked me over to his side. "What kind of nonsense is this?" "Didn't I already say I forgive you for the mistake you made? What more do you want?" I looked at him with red-rimmed eyes, forcing the bitterness back down my throat. "You brought her home to sleep in our bed, and you still have the nerve to ask me what nonsense I'm making?" Faced with my accusation, Chester said nothing. He just dragged me back to the bed by force and made me look at that glaring streak of red. "You're always arguing with me about medicine, saying grown women basically don't bleed." "Josie is even a year older than you. Why does she have blood and you don't?" "So what gives you the nerve to throw a fit at me? You're not even clean yourself, so what right do you have to have a temper?" Josephine burst out laughing when she heard that. "Oh, it's only natural she's got a temper. After all, back when she was chasing you, she swore up and down she'd never been in a relationship." "But now that the lie's been exposed, of course she's angry and embarrassed." "Though maybe it's true she was never in a relationship? After all, some women don't need to make it official to..." Then she pretended to be shocked and covered her mouth. "Oh dear, don't read too much into it, I'm just saying whatever comes to mind." "I absolutely didn't mean that you're the type who likes to play around." The more Chester listened, the deeper he frowned, until at last he couldn't hold back and confronted me. "Eva, tell me honestly. Before you got together with me, exactly how many men were there?" I stared at this man I'd loved for so long, and in the end I couldn't stop the tears from falling. I'd known Chester since we were very young, and I fell for him at first sight. While I was chasing him, I also learned about his family's past—that his mother had abandoned him and his father for another man. That was why he had such impossibly high standards in relationships, unable to accept a partner who had any romantic history. Back then I was so grateful that I'd met him when I was still a child. Because I was young, I had more confidence and more time to prove to him that I loved only him. And I did manage to move him in college, until he agreed to be with me. On the day we made it official, I even teased him with a question. "So many girls were chasing you, so why did you choose me in the end?" He answered very seriously then. "Because you're the only one who revolves around me every second of the day. That's what makes me feel most secure." He knew it himself, and yet now, over a few words from Josephine, he was starting to doubt me. Seeing my tears, a flicker of pain crossed Chester's eyes, and his tone softened a little. "Don't worry. We've been together this long, and we're already married." "Just tell me the truth, and I promise I won't leave you." I gave a bleak smile and pried his hand off with all my strength. "But Chester, I don't want to stay with you anymore."

This was the first time in a long while that I'd said the word "leave" to him. A flicker of panic crossed Chester's face, but Josephine cut straight through his emotion. "No way—you're bringing up leaving this easily?" "Chester, don't say your girl here didn't warn you. When a woman talks about leaving, it usually means she's already lined up someone else." "Otherwise, she loved you so much before—how could she say she wanted to leave so easily?" When he heard that, Chester's expression turned even colder than before, even carrying an inexplicable anger. He seized my neck and slammed me hard against the cabinet door. "Eva, tell me—are you seeing someone else!" I struggled with all my strength and forced out, "I didn't... betray you." "You're lying!" "If you hadn't betrayed me, how could you, who loved me so much, ever want to leave me!" After roaring those words, he flung me viciously to the floor. I coughed hard several times, and when I finally caught my breath, I looked up at him, my eyes full of disappointment, not even aware that my cheeks were wet with tears. "You're the one who betrayed me—what's wrong with me not wanting to stay together?" "Chester, you're not the only one who has a thing about purity. I have it too!" The words "a thing about purity" were practically taboo for Chester. Because they dragged up the bad memories of his childhood. I had braced myself to face Chester's fury, but to my surprise he only stared blankly at my lower body, silent. Following his gaze, I finally noticed that the inside of my thighs was already soaked with blood. I panicked a little, wondering if I'd hurt myself somewhere. But because of being soaked so long in seventy-degree water, the nerve endings all over my body were basically severely damaged. So I couldn't feel the pain in my body. Frightened, I instinctively reached to Chester for help. And he seemed to finally snap out of it, scooping me up and rushing me to the hospital. After a round of examinations, I learned I was a month and a half pregnant. Luckily the treatment came in time, and the baby was barely saved. When he heard the news, he sat silently beside me and stroked my belly. "Little Eva, now that there's a child, let's turn the page on all of this." "I won't hold your wrongs against you anymore. Neither of us owes the other anything." I didn't answer him. I just lay there quietly, feeling the warmth beneath my belly. With the child as a soft spot, my fixation on leaving really did fade a good deal. But whenever I thought of his long-standing suspicion and misunderstanding of me, and the way he'd just hurt me— I still couldn't get past that hurdle in my heart. Just as I was hesitating over whether to keep this child, Josephine, standing off to the side, slowly spoke up. "A month and a half pregnant? But I remember Chester was away on a business trip a month and a half ago." "Is this child really Chester's?" Then she waved a hand and explained, "Don't misunderstand, honey—I'm just genuinely curious about it." "I don't mean to suggest you cheated or anything." Hearing that, I immediately looked at Chester, and sure enough, his brows were tightly furrowed—he'd clearly taken Josephine's words to heart. "Eva, get rid of this child." "I won't raise someone else's kid."

I said nothing, just looked at him quietly. I wasn't even the least bit surprised anymore that he could say such a thing. "You believe whatever Josephine says, don't you?" Seeing that I was turning on Josephine, Chester spoke up, displeased. "Is Nana wrong? I was away on a business trip a month and a half ago. How could you possibly be pregnant?" "But the gestational age is counted from the start of my last period." Chester's brow furrowed even deeper. "Even so, I don't want to gamble on those odds." "Just get rid of it. We can always have another kid." I laughed through my tears—laughing at how all my sacrifice over the years had become a joke. Laughing that in his heart, my child and I still counted for less than a few idle words of curiosity from Josephine. "Fine. Then I'll get rid of it." "Now that's more like it." Chester softened his expression and patted my head. "I'll go have the doctor schedule the surgery right now." "Don't be scared. It's just a minor surgery." Hearing that, my expression went a little vacant. I thought back to my senior year of high school, when I wanted to keep pace with Chester and get into the same university as him. I piled excessive study on myself, and my stress shot up. It ended with me developing thyroid nodules that had to be surgically removed. That was the first surgery of my life, and I was terrified. When Chester found out, he actually took time off to go with me for the surgery. Back then, in front of the operating room, he'd said something similar. "Don't be scared. It's just a minimally invasive surgery. You'll be fine soon." His company back then freed me from my blind fear of surgery—yet today it casts a new shadow over me. I lifted my hand and rested it gently on my belly, feeling the presence of this baby in the last little while I had. I'm sorry, baby. Mommy can't keep you. After Mommy leaves Daddy, if there's ever a chance in the future, come back into Mommy's belly again. After the surgery, Chester planned to take me home, but Josephine suddenly hooked her arm through his and spoke in a sweet, wheedling tone. "Chester, it's getting late. Take me home first, okay?" "Today I helped you with your experiment, and I went along to your wife's surgery too. I'm worn out." Chester hesitated, glancing at me. "But..." Josephine waved her hand airily. "Oh come on, it's just a minor surgery, it's not like she's giving birth." "I saved up my virginity all those years and gave it to you—you have to take responsibility!" Chester let out a soft sigh, but the look in his eyes was clearly full of indulgence. "All right, Little Eva, take a cab home on your own." I leaned against the wall, barely staying on my feet. My body felt awful, but I still nodded numbly and said okay. I watched Chester drive off with Josephine without a moment's hesitation. I didn't go home. Instead I went to my ballet studio and decided to spend the night there. After all, just thinking about that bed at home, still steeped so recently in the sordid scent of the two of them— —I couldn't hold back the urge to gag. I sat in the office, drafting a divorce agreement on the computer. After printing it out, I signed my name and waited to hand it to Chester for his signature the next morning. But not long after daybreak, I was jolted awake by messages in the work group chat. When I opened it, they were all discussing something about me. Teacher, is it true that you have a messy private life and are pregnant with some unknown man's child?

I quickly scrolled to the very top of the chat and found the post one of the students had put up at the start. The post showed a photo of me lying weakly in a hospital bed, right after my miscarriage. And the post was framed as a cautionary tale. The gist of it was that girls have to respect themselves. Don't be like the girl in the picture, who messed around, got pregnant, and broke her friend's heart on top of it. At the end of the post there was a comment: Poor friend of mine, who kept himself clean his whole life, thought he'd found an equally clean girl, only to end up with a player. Newsprint should go looking for newsprint. Why ruin a clean white sheet? After reading the post, I was shaking with anger. Worse, some of the students in the work group chat were so bothered by all this that they were demanding refunds, saying they didn't want to learn dance from someone like me. Going by memory, I found Josephine's place. After knocking for a while, the person who opened the door turned out to be Chester. I no longer wanted to dwell on why my husband had spent the night at another woman's house. I just wanted to find Josephine and confront her about the post. I stepped around Chester and barged inside. The moment I saw Josephine, I hurled my phone at her. "Why did you post lies about me?!" Seeing that, Chester slapped me hard, then rushed over and pulled Josephine into his arms. "Eva, what's gotten into you, coming here first thing in the morning!" I covered my stinging cheek, fighting back tears as I shouted, "What's gotten into me? Look at what she did!" Chester picked the phone up off the floor, and after he saw what the post said, he actually let out a cold laugh. "Is there anything in this post that's wrong?" I stared at him in disbelief. "What did you say?" "You really didn't bleed on our wedding night, and you really did get pregnant while I was away on business. Which line in this post wrongs you?" "What are you so angry about? Isn't the one who should be angry me?" I'd known for a long time that Chester had no trust left in me. But deep down I still held on to that tiny sliver of hope that, this once, he might choose to stand with me. Good thing there was never much of it to begin with. I swallowed the bitterness in my throat, smiled calmly, took out the divorce papers, and handed them to Chester. "Since you're so sure I've wronged you, then sign." Chester took the divorce papers, gave them only a quick glance, then spoke mockingly. "You think pulling out something like this will make me feel bad, make me regret it?" Josephine smiled too, gloating. "Maybe she's read too many chase-back-the-wife novels and thinks her leaving will earn your belated regret." Chester gave a contemptuous smile at that, then took out a pen and signed his name on the papers without hesitation. I no longer cared what either of them said about me. I picked up the papers, turned, and left. Before I walked out, I heard Josephine speak again. "You really signed it? What if she actually runs off? Aren't you the one who'll be hurting then?" But Chester couldn't have cared less. "She put up with water near seventy degrees for days on end. How could she really leave me?" "Besides, everyone knows what kind of woman she is now. Who else do you think would want her, other than me?" "In a few days she'll be back, crying and begging me to forgive her." Hearing that, my steps faltered slightly. Yes. Because I loved him, I forced myself to endure that nearly seventy-degree water. But Chester, I don't love you anymore. I've even booked a flight to France, and I'm leaving today. All I want is to never see you again.