Save Him, Save Me

The night Maya Winehouse and I slept together, she was drunk and had just broken up with her now ex-boyfriend, Daniel Carter. She had no choice but to marry me. Our marriage was quiet and stable. I once thought it would last forever… Until Daniel passed away from his sickness. When Maya went to pay her respects, she learned that he had left her for good because he had found out what happened between us that night. At that same time, she discovered the diary that I had written about my secret love for her. She became convinced I had ruined their relationship on purpose, and she hated me to the bones. She divorced me and threw me out with nothing. She also made sure to make my life difficult whenever she could. As I lay dying, her cold voice echoed in my ears. "Your love disgusts me, Nolan Winehouse." When I opened my eyes again, I had regressed back to that night. It was two hours before everything that would have happened, when Maya had just broken up with Daniel and gone out drinking intending to get drunk. I took my coat and ran out of my room. Then, I knocked on Daniel's door… Chapter 1 Daniel Carter froze when he saw me outside his door. His eyes were red and swollen, and it was obvious he had just been crying. "Nolan? Why are you..." "Daniel," I said as I tried to keep my voice calm. "Can I come in and talk?" The living room was a mess, with a half-eaten cake on the coffee table. I smiled and got straight to the point. "I'm here to apologize on Maya's behalf. She forgot your birthday and this is her fault." Daniel pressed his lips together and said nothing. "It's not that she doesn't love you. It's just that she has never been good at expressing herself since she was little. After you broke up with her, she went to a bar alone to try and drink her sorrows away." I paused for a moment and said, "Daniel, go see her." In my previous life, Maya Winehouse would drink alone every year on Daniel's birthday after she married me. She had never managed to let it go. Daniel looked at me and suddenly smiled, his tears rolling down his cheeks, looking even worse than earlier. "How did someone as cold as Maya manage to raise a brother as thoughtful as you? I'll go see her right now. Thanks, Nolan." After I told Daniel which bar Maya was at, he changed and left. I let out a long sigh as I watched him leave. That night would never happen again in this life. When I got home, I pulled the diary from the back of my drawer. When I was ten, I was living on the streets. Eighteen-year-old Maya took me in. She was cold and distant with everyone else, but she was very gentle with me. By the time I was old enough to understand what love was, I knew I had fallen for her. But it was a love I could never confess. I tore the diary apart page by page. Then, I dropped the scraps into the toilet and flushed them away. Two hours later, the door opened. Daniel helped a drunken Maya inside. Maya held on to him and mumbled, "Daniel, don't break up with me... I was wrong... I made a terrible mistake..." Daniel looked helpless as he comforted her. "Alright, alright. No more breaking up." When he saw me, he looked relieved. "Nolan, can you make her something to help with the hangover? I'll take her back to her room." "Okay," I said with a nod as I watched Daniel help her back into her bedroom. I waited in the kitchen for the water to boil, listening to the sounds from the bedroom. She was acting sweet all over him while he was laughing. When Maya introduced me to Daniel the first time in my previous life, I knew they were a good match. Daniel was gentle and considerate while also coming from a good family. He had been raised well and treated me well too. He was a very good man. If it were not for me, he would not have died, and they would have lived happily ever after. In this life, I would make up for it. Daniel stayed in Maya's room and took care of her all night. The next morning, I came downstairs to find Maya busy in the kitchen. She made fried eggs, warmed the milk, and cut the toast into triangles before putting everything on a plate. She then set the plate in front of Daniel and gently said, "Eat before it gets cold." Daniel nudged her with a smile. "When did you get so good at looking after people?" Maya looked at Daniel without saying anything, but there was a faint smile on her lips. In my last life, she cooked for me after we got married too. When I was sick, she would awkwardly make me oatmeal. I was at the foot of the stairs and I paused. "Nolan, come eat breakfast," Daniel called. Maya looked up at me, her expression cool. She said nothing. Her expression did not change. Chapter 2 As I sat down at the table, Maya got up and left an empty seat between us. She looked at me like I was a stranger. It reminded me of the brutality she had shown me in my previous life when she forced me out with nothing. I shoved a piece of toast into my mouth and stood up. "I’m fine with just this. I need to get to class, so I'm heading out now." Daniel said, "Why the rush? You haven't even finished your milk..." "No time," I said as I grabbed my backpack and fled out the door. I spent the whole day in the library researching study-abroad programs and filling out applications. In my previous life, I gave up the chance to study abroad so I could stay by Maya's side. In this life, I wanted to go far away and live for myself. I had planned to stay in the dorm that night, but Daniel called. "Nolan, come home for dinner! I have something important I wanted to announce!" Maya opened the door when I got home. When she saw me, she frowned. "Why are you back?" It was obvious she was not the one who had asked me to come home. I quietly said with my head low, "Daniel said he had something to tell us." Daniel poked his head out of the kitchen. "You're back!" He pushed me down onto the couch and put the remote in my hand. "Watch some TV for now. Dinner will be ready soon!" Meanwhile, Maya was in the kitchen helping him. Through the glass door, I watched Maya listen to Daniel with her head low, a faint smile on her face and her eyes gentle and warm. She had once cooked for me too. On my birthday, she canceled her work gathering and came home to cook a full-course meal. "What are you zoning out for?" Daniel asked when he caught me zoning out and pushed Maya out of the kitchen. "Go keep Nolan company. I can handle the last soup on my own." Maya wiped her hands and sat in the armchair diagonally across from me. There was plenty of space between us, and silence hung between us. A boring variety show played on the television, the laughter was making things unbearable. "Nolan," Maya suddenly said. I looked at her and she looked back at me, her eyes dark. "Study hard. Focus on what's in front of you. Don't think about things you shouldn't." I could feel my chest tighten. Things I should not. To her, my feelings for her were something I should never have allowed myself. When she found my diary in my previous life, she had said, "Your love disgusts me, Nolan Winehouse." She thought I had sabotaged their relationship on purpose. She thought I was being greedy and wanted more. It was true that I had loved her, but I had never said anything to Daniel to ruin the relationship between them. She did not believe me. "I understand," I heard myself say calmly. "I won't." At dinner, Daniel could barely contain his excitement as he announced, "Maya proposed to me today!" He held out his hand, and the engagement ring sparkled under the light. "Congratulations!" I said with a sincere smile. "Maya, Daniel… I hope you'll be happy together." Maya paused with her fork in hand and looked up at me. I went back to eating and pretended not to notice. After dinner, I cleared the dishes without being asked. Faint laughter drifted in from the living room. Daniel was talking about his ideas for the wedding, and Maya responded quietly, indulging him. After washing the dishes, I dried my hands and walked toward the living room to tell them I had to go back to campus. Just as I reached the doorway connected to the living room, I heard Maya say, "Once he graduates, I'll have him move out. I bought him an apartment near his campus. He's a young adult man now. It's not practical for him to keep living with us." Daniel disagreed. "But it's not safe for Nolan to live alone. Besides, you're siblings. What's wrong with living together?" Maya's voice stayed flat. "He's all grown up and he should have his own life. We need a life of our own too." I stayed where I was and stopped listening as I quietly turned around. I went upstairs for my backpack and left. I waited until I was far from the house before messaging Daniel, [Something came up so I'm headed back to campus. Tell Maya I said good night. Good night to you too.] I took a deep breath. Moving out might be for the best. The farther away I was, the safer it would be. Three days later, while I was doing my research in the library, I remembered something. In my previous life, Daniel had died of bone cancer. By the time they found out, the cancer was already at a late stage. Which meant… Daniel might already have cancer now. Chapter 3 I shot up to my feet and knocked over my chair. Everyone nearby immediately looked over. I did not stop to apologize. Instead, I rushed out of the library, calling Daniel as I went. "Daniel, are you free this afternoon? Let me buy you coffee." - At the cafe, Daniel laughed when I told him I wanted him to come with me for a medical checkup. "Nolan, why do you suddenly want a medical checkup? Are you feeling sick?" I made up an excuse. "My college wants it and I'm not feeling comfortable enough to do it alone. Can you come with me?" Daniel gave me a suspicious look. "Really?" I did my best to look honest. "It's true. And I want you to get checked too. Think of it as... a pre-wedding checkup? You're going to marry my sister, after all." Daniel's ears turned red as he said in a helpless tone, "Oh, you..." Just then, his phone rang. It was Maya. "Where are you?" "I'm having coffee with Nolan," Daniel said. The line went quiet for a moment before she said, "Come home soon." After he hung up, Daniel laughed. "She's so clingy." I forced a smile and said I had class soon. I then arranged to meet him that weekend. As soon as I reached the school gate, I saw Maya's car parked outside. She got out and immediately grabbed my wrist before dragging me over to a wall. Before I could react, she shoved me away. I staggered and fell to the ground, my knees and elbows red and swollen. I looked down to find them scraped, blood already appearing on the wounds. She stood in front of me, her eyes cold as ice. "Nolan, I'm warning you. Stay away from Daniel. Don't say anything you shouldn't. Don't do anything you shouldn't." I pushed myself to my feet, my voice trembling. "I didn't. I only wanted him to come with me for a medical checkup." She hesitated and asked before she could stop herself, "Are you sick?" I paused, then shook my head. "No. The college needs it." She stared at me for a long time, and her expression gradually changed. It looked like she had remembered something or she was trying to confirm something. After a moment, she crouched and looked at the scrape on my knee before saying, "Get in the car." She took me to a pharmacy for antiseptic ointment and gauze, then crouched beside the road to clean and bandage my wounds. She was not gentle, but she was careful. Her voice was a little low as she said, "I'll take both of you for your medical checkup this weekend." I lowered my head and stared at my shoes as my vision blurred. When the results came back, Daniel sobbed so hard his whole body shook. Early-stage bone cancer. The doctor said, "We caught it very early. The treatment's success rate is very high." Maya held Daniel in her arms, her hands trembling with relief and fear. Daniel's red eyes met mine. "Nolan, thank you... I mean it. Thank you." I shook my head and patted his back. Maya looked at me over Daniel's shoulder, her gaze intense and unreadable. I remembered the day Daniel passed away in my previous life. It had been a stormy day. After Maya learned that Daniel had left because he found out we had slept together that night, she stood at his grave all day, completely drenched. When she came home, she smashed everything she could. That was how she found the diary I had hidden at the back of my bottom drawer. That was when she decided I had told Daniel on purpose. I explained, but she refused to believe me. She divorced me and kicked me out with nothing. She also made sure I could not find work anywhere. In the end, I died alone in a rental apartment because of my sickness. Now, there was still time to change everything. Daniel would live. Maya would not blame me after this. As for me… I would leave this place. The weight on my chest finally lifted. By the time we left the hospital, the sun was already setting. Maya had gone to handle Daniel's admission paperwork while Daniel and I waited in the lobby. Daniel quietly said, "Nolan, I'm scared." I patted his shoulder. "Don't be scared. Maya is here. She'll stay with you." - After that, Daniel was hospitalized. The surgery went very well, and chemotherapy came next. Maya put all her work on hold and stayed with him at the hospital every day. I split my time between college and the hospital while preparing my study-abroad applications. I was so busy I barely had time to catch my breath. One day, when I came home from the hospital, Maya stopped me. Chapter 4 "Nolan!" Maya called out to me. I stopped and turned to her as she handed me a key. She said, "I bought an apartment near your campus for you. It has two rooms and a living room, and it has already been renovated. You should move in as soon as possible." I paused for a moment, then took the key and nodded. "Okay." I did not question her or hesitate. Maya studied my expression as if she were looking for some kind of reaction, but I simply put the key away and went upstairs. The next day, I began packing. I planned to donate or throw away most of my things. I would buy everything new for the apartment and start over. I started coming home later, until they almost never saw me at dinner. My room grew emptier by the day. The bookcase was empty. Then, the closet became empty. And then, an accessory box remained on the desk. One night, I did not get home until after ten. Maya was sitting on the living room sofa with the lights off. In the dark, the tip of the cigarette between her fingers glowed. "You're late." Her voice was cold. "What have you been doing?" I paused while taking off my shoes. "Something came up at college." Once my shoes were off, I headed straight for my room. The sound of a cup hitting the coffee table came behind me. Daniel's chemotherapy went smoothly. Three months later, the doctor said Daniel was recovering well enough to go home, though he would need to return for his scheduled checkups. I went to the hospital the day he was discharged. Daniel had lost a lot of weight, but he was in very good spirits. Maya went to handle the discharge paperwork while Daniel and I waited in his room. Daniel suddenly asked, "Nolam, did you and Maya have a fight?" I was stunned. Daniel sighed. "Her temper has been quite bad lately. People at the company keep telling me they get out of her way whenever they see her." I said nothing. Daniel took my hand. "I know she's making you move out. I already scolded her for it. Don't worry. As long as I'm here, that house will always be your home." I squeezed his hand and answered seriously. "Daniel, I'm all grown up now. I should have my own life. Not to mention I'm already working on the paperwork to go study abroad, so I might be flying off next year." Daniel's eyes widened. "Abroad? Where? For how long?" "Albion, for graduate school. Maybe two or three years," I said. Daniel's eyes reddened again. "Then... you have to take good care of yourself over there. If anything happens, you have to tell us, okay?" "Okay," I said. Daniel wiped his eyes, then smiled. "Nolan, let me introduce you to someone. She's from a class below mine at my old school, and she works in architectural design. She's a great person." I shook my head. "It's fine, Daniel." "Why not? You'll be all alone." Daniel frowned a little. I hesitated, then told him the truth. "Actually, I'm seeing someone already." "What?" Daniel's eyes widened. "We met while working on our study-abroad applications. We're planning to apply to the same school," I said. Daniel's eyes lit up, and he clapped his hands. "That's great! I have to tell Maya about this! We need to meet her first. We can't let anyone take advantage of you!" "No..." I tried to stop him, but he had already picked up his phone. "Oh, she's back!" Daniel said as he put down his phone and looked toward the door. Maya came in carrying the discharge paperwork. When she saw how close Daniel and I were, her expression darkened. She came over and linked her arm with Daniel's, asking, "What are you two so happy about?" Daniel looked up at her, his eyes bright. "I was just telling Nolan I wanted to introduce him to someone. Guess what happened?" She glanced at me and said firmly, "He said no, didn't he?" "Exactly. He turned me down." Daniel nodded. She gave a quiet hum of acknowledgment. "He's been clingy with me since he was little. He didn't even want to live on campus in college. What makes you think he wants to date anyone?" Then, Daniel said with a smile, "But he said he's already seeing someone, and they're even going abroad together!"