No Room for Me in This Family

After a family holiday dinner, the six of us pile into the car to go home, but there are only five seats. Mom drives, Dad is drunk in the passenger seat, and Grandma and Grandpa sit in the back with my two-year-old brother, Hugh Vale. His expensive car seat takes up the remaining space. I suggest removing it so someone can hold him, but Mom immediately refuses because his safety comes first. I turn to Grandma, the woman who used to dote on me, and jokingly ask if I can sit on her lap instead. She pushes me away before I can even sit down, reminding me that I'm not a little kid like Hugh anymore. With cars honking behind us, I squeeze into whatever space is left. Grandpa reluctantly shifts over while complaining that I barely have any time off anyway, so coming home is more trouble than it's worth. Half of me is practically hanging off the seat, but I tell myself I'm an adult now. I should make sacrifices for the elderly and the youngest member of the family. Then, Mom looks in the rearview mirror and tells me to move so I don't crowd Hugh. I joke that maybe it's time for a bigger car. Dad, who's drunk but speaking painfully clear, says there's no point. I'm away at college most of the time, and the car fits five people perfectly without me. Five people. Except there are six people in our family. As I look at Hugh sitting comfortably in his car seat while I struggle to find a place for myself, something finally becomes clear. If there is no room for me in this family anymore, then I don't have to stay. Chapter 1 The car slowed to a crawl before finally coming to a stop in the middle of traffic. "Looks like there's a sobriety checkpoint up ahead," my mom, Christina Brook, said with both hands on the wheel. "So what? You haven't been drinking," replied my dad, Pierre Vale, from the passenger seat. "No, but we've got too many people in the car." Mom's eyes flicked toward me in the rearview mirror. I caught the look and lowered my head without saying anything. "What are we supposed to do?" my grandma, Victoria Hudson, asked anxiously. "Won't they put points on your license?" "Points and a 200-dollar fine," my grandpa, Ben Vale, added. He leaned his whole weight back as he spoke. The movement took up what little space I still had left. Half my backside was hanging off the seat, and I had to brace my feet against the floor just to keep myself from sliding off completely. "200 dollars!" Grandma slapped her thigh, her face pinching with distress. "With everything little Hugh needs right now? That's enough to feed this whole family for days." "Then, one of us has to get out," Grandpa said. His elbow nudged farther into my side. "He's right," Mom agreed. Her eyes found mine in the rearview mirror again and stayed there, watching me as though she were waiting to see how long it would take me to understand. No one volunteered. Finally, Mom spoke. "Elowen, why don't you get out and walk for a bit?" "Sweetheart, I'd offer to do it myself," Grandpa said quickly, "but your grandma and I are getting old. Our legs aren't what they used to be…" As he spoke, he settled more comfortably into the seat, taking up the last sliver of space and leaving none for me at all. Mom, Grandpa, and Grandma. In the cramped car, all three of them were looking at me. Heat crept into my face beneath their stares. Up front, Dad had somehow fallen asleep. His head lolled to one side. A moment later, his snores filled the silence. "Okay," I murmured. I opened the door and climbed out. The moment my feet hit the pavement, pins and needles shot through my legs from being cramped in the back for too long. "Elowen, wait for us at the next intersection," Mom called after me. "We'll pick you up there." I nodded, shut the door, and started walking toward the spot she'd pointed out. Mom had to drive. Dad was drunk. Grandma and Grandpa were too old to walk very far, and Hugh was still so little. Of course, I had to be the one to get out. There really wasn't anyone else. I repeated that to myself as I walked. Besides, it was only a short distance. A little walking could save us 200 dollars. Money wasn't easy to come by these days. I was part of this family too. I should be thinking about what was best for everyone. It was supposed to be fall, but the late-season heat hadn't loosened its grip yet. The afternoon sun beat down mercilessly, and by the time I reached the intersection, sweat had soaked through my clothes. Squinting against the glare, I watched one car after another pass. Ours was nowhere in sight. A few minutes later, a familiar white sedan appeared in the distance. My eyes lit up. That was it. I could even see Dad through the window. His head was resting against the glass as he slept. I got to my feet and hurried to the curb, ready to climb in. The car sailed right past me. It didn't slow down. It didn't pull over. It didn't even hesitate. I stood there in confusion and lifted my arm, waving frantically after it. Through the rear window, Grandma turned her head. Our eyes met. Then, she turned away. My raised hand slowly fell to my side. Maybe they hadn't seen me in time. Maybe Mom couldn't stop here. Maybe they were going to circle back. A knot of unease formed in my stomach anyway. They wouldn't actually forget me… would they? I retreated beneath the shade of a nearby tree and waited, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in my chest. Eventually, another familiar white sedan pulled over. Relief rushed through me. I pushed myself up and strode toward it. Before I could reach the door, a young man hurried past me, opened it, and climbed into the back seat. I froze. There was no one else inside. "The last four digits are 7316," I heard him tell the driver. The door slammed shut. I stood on the sidewalk as the car pulled away. It wasn't ours. It was just a rideshare—same make, same model, and same color. They really had forgotten me. I wondered if it had been an accident or if they had done it on purpose. Whatever. There wasn't enough room for all of us anyway. Five people were already a tight fit. I could just get a ride home myself. I reached into my pocket. Nothing. I checked my other pockets, then searched them again, more carefully this time. My stomach dropped. My phone was still in the car. I'd left it there because Mom had promised to pick me up at the intersection. I'd thought I'd only be out of the car for a few minutes. I'd trusted her. The temperature had climbed to 100 degrees, the pavement shimmering beneath the relentless heat. However, I had never felt so cold. By the time I finally made it home, dusk had already begun to settle over the neighborhood. I'd been walking in the heat for more than an hour. My head throbbed, and everything around me seemed hazy and distant. It took the last of my strength just to raise my hand and knock on the door. The sound faded into silence. As I stood there waiting, a memory surfaced without warning. I was little again. Dad and Mom had taken me on a road trip through the mountains of Westmere, with Grandpa and Grandma riding with us. Back then, Grandpa and Grandma had sat on either side of me, fussing over me the entire way. They asked if I was hungry or thirsty. There had been five of us then. Five people. Five seats. It was just enough for everyone. Now there were six of us and still only five seats. I was the extra person. My head grew heavier. I leaned against the wall, but my legs could no longer hold me. Slowly, I slid down until I was sitting on the stairs. Then, I closed my eyes. A single tear slipped silently down my cheeks. Chapter 2 The next morning, the click of the front door opening startled me awake. Mom stepped outside with a bag of trash and nearly jumped when she saw me curled up beside the door. "You scared me half to death! Why are you sleeping out here? Why didn't you come inside? "Seriously, Elowen? We just made you walk a little farther yesterday. Is all this really necessary?" "I didn't know the code." I rubbed my eyes, still groggy. "I tried a few different ones, and then the lock disabled itself." Mom looked at me as if I'd said something ridiculous. "Have you studied so much that you've lost all common sense? The code is Hugh's birthday." "You never told me that." "Didn't we?" She barely paused to think about it. "Well, you could've guessed." She said it as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. Maybe to everyone else in the family, it was. Hugh was their little treasure, after all. Mom headed downstairs to take out the trash. I turned back to the keypad and entered Hugh's birthday. The lock clicked open immediately. Of course. A bitter smile tugged at my lips. Last night, I'd even tried my own birthday. How stupid of me. I couldn't remember the last time I'd had a real birthday celebration. My birthday always fell during the school term. At first, Mom and Dad would wait until the weekend and celebrate when I came home. Later, the cake and family dinner turned into a phone call and some money in my account. Then, Hugh was born. After that, even the money disappeared. All I got was a text. "Happy birthday, Elowen! Things are a little tight right now with Hugh's formula and diapers, so we won't be giving you birthday money this year. When you're home, we'll all go out for something nice." That had been it. I stepped inside and was about to close the door when Mom came back up from taking out the trash. "Mom, when did you change the front door lock?" "Oh, that." She stepped past me. "It's because of Hugh. Whenever I take him out, I've got the diaper bag, groceries, his stroller, all kinds of stuff. Half the time, I don't have a free hand to dig around for my keys. This one has facial recognition. It's much easier." I didn't say anything. I closed the door and looked at the sleek new smart lock. It reminded me of something from years ago. There had only ever been four keys to the house. One for Dad. One for Mom. One for Grandpa. One for Grandma. There wasn't one for me. If I wanted to get inside, I either had to come home with one of them or knock and wait for someone to let me in. "You don't need one. You're away at school most of the time anyway. "Why waste money getting another key cut? Just knock. Your grandpa and I are almost always home." Back then, I'd suggested getting a keypad lock instead. Dad had immediately dismissed the idea. A waste of money, he'd called it. Now we finally had one. It was just not because of me. And somehow, the person who had once wanted a keypad lock the most was the last person in the family to learn the code. "Well, look who's finally home." Grandma glanced over when she saw me, then immediately turned her attention back to Hugh. "Why did you come in with your mother?" "I was locked out all night." Grandma looked up again. "Why didn't you knock?" "I did. Nobody answered." She was sitting on the living room rug with Hugh, showing him how to stack wooden blocks. Hugh ignored her careful tower and smacked two blocks against the floor instead, delighted by the sharp clacking sound. "Then, why didn't you knock louder?" "I'd already walked for more than an hour in the heat. I got heatstroke." Grandma gave a dismissive snort. "Oh, please. You're too delicate; that's your problem. You spend all your time buried in books and never exercise. A little more walking would do you good." I thought back to yesterday. When I'd stood on the side of the road waving after the car, Grandma had turned around. She'd looked right at me. So, she had seen me. She just hadn't wanted them to stop. I didn't have the energy to argue anymore. My head still hurt, and all I wanted was to crawl into bed and sleep. I headed toward my room. Behind me, Grandma was still playing with Hugh. "That's it, bang them together!" she cooed. "Look how strong you are. Stronger than your sister already. You could even keep her locked outside." My hand tightened around the bedroom doorknob. I said nothing. Just as I was about to shut the door, Dad spotted me in the hallway. His eyebrows rose in surprise. "Oh, you weren't in your room?" he asked. "I thought you were still asleep. I didn't wake you for breakfast because I figured you could use the extra rest." I looked at him. Then, I smiled. I couldn't help it. His concern sounded almost convincing. So, no one had worried about me all night. No one had even noticed I was gone. If any of them had bothered to check my room, they would have seen that my bed was empty. If any of them had opened the front door to look for me, they would have found me curled up right outside. However, no one had. When it came to me, there was always an excuse for overlooking something. With Hugh, nothing was ever overlooked. In the winter, even giving him a bath became a family operation. They would turn on the bathroom heater well in advance, then bring in a portable space heater to make sure every corner of the room was warm. Only once the bathroom was perfectly cozy would they carry Hugh inside and start getting him ready for his bath. They were terrified he might be cold for even a minute. I went into my room and closed the door. Then, I crawled into bed, curled up, and pulled the covers tightly around my body. I didn't bother wiping my face. I simply lay there and let the tears soak slowly into my pillow. Chapter 3 When I woke up, I reached for my phone out of habit, only for my hand to land on an empty nightstand. Right. My phone was still in the car. "Mom, can I have the car keys? I need to get my phone." "What phone?" "Mine. I left it in the car." "You're old enough to know better than to leave your things lying around." Mom didn't even look at me as she spoke. She was busy blowing on a spoonful of oatmeal before feeding it to Hugh. "Funny, considering you're usually glued to that phone all day. I would've thought you would keep better track of it." I cut her off before she could work herself into a full lecture. "Where are the keys?" "I don't know. Ask your father. Can't you see I'm feeding your brother?" I went out to the balcony and found Dad hunched over a pair of Hugh's sneakers, scrubbing at them with a tiny brush. "Dad, where are the car keys?" "Mm-hm." His face was practically inches from the shoe, his concentration so intense you'd think he was restoring a priceless artifact instead of cleaning a toddler's sneaker. "Dad." I raised my voice. "Where are the car keys?" "Huh?" He finally looked up. "What did you say?" I sighed. "The car keys. Where are they?" "How would I know? Ask your mother. She drove yesterday." Just like that, he sent me straight back to where I'd started. "Mom, Dad says you have the keys," I said when I returned to the living room. She frowned. "You seriously need your phone that badly? You can't go a single day without it?" "Where are the keys?" My patience was beginning to wear thin. "On my face." "What?" I stared at her, genuinely confused. She looked completely serious, almost irritated that I'd even asked. "Obviously, they're on the desk in my bedroom. Where else would they be? Did you actually think they were on my face?" There it was again. Mom had always been like this. She could never just answer a simple question when she had the chance to make me feel stupid for asking it. I finally got my phone back. The moment I returned home, I plugged it in and waited for it to turn on. Within seconds, notifications began flooding the screen. There were dozens of unread messages and more than ten missed calls. My heart started pounding. Something was wrong. I opened my messages. "Elowen, confirm your graduate placement!" "The deadline's almost here. Log in and accept it!" "Are you there? If you see this, get on the university portal now and confirm your place!" I hurriedly opened our class group chat and scrolled through the messages. My stomach dropped when I saw the deadline. 12:00 pm today. I looked at the time, then stared at the screen in disbelief. I'd missed it. After maintaining one of the strongest academic records in my program for three years, I'd earned a direct-entry graduate placement. No entrance exams, no scrambling for another program after graduation. All I'd had to do was log into the university portal and formally accept my place before noon. I'd missed the deadline because I hadn't had my phone. If Mom had simply told me where the car keys were when I first asked, I could have retrieved it sooner. I might have made it in time. My hands were shaking. I immediately contacted my academic advisor and asked whether there was any way to submit my confirmation late. The answer came back quickly. The portal was already closed. The deadline applied across the entire college, and they couldn't reopen it for one student. Something inside me snapped. Three years. I'd worked for this for three years, and now it was gone. "Mom!" I stormed into the kitchen, barely able to keep my voice steady. "Because you couldn't just tell me where the keys were, I missed the deadline to accept my graduate placement!" Mom was standing at the sink washing Hugh's dishes. She didn't even stop what she was doing. "When something goes wrong, you should learn to look at what you did wrong instead of blaming everyone else," she said. "Maybe this is a sign graduate school isn't meant for you." I stared at her. "Besides, how much education does a girl really need? A bachelor's degree is already plenty. The sooner you graduate and start working, the sooner you can start contributing to the household." She rinsed another one of Hugh's bowls and set it on the drying rack. "Your brother's still little. Raising him is going to get more expensive." "Elowen, don't speak to your mother like that." Dad was sitting nearby, repairing one of Hugh's toys as if we were discussing something trivial. "So, you didn't get into graduate school this way. Take the entrance exam and apply normally. What's the big deal?" "It's not that simple. Those exams are incredibly competitive, and it's too late to start preparing properly now." "I've told you before, you need to build better relationships with your professors," Grandma chimed in from across the room, where she was folding Hugh's laundry. "Go talk to your advisor. Ask nicely, bring a little something to show your appreciation, and maybe they'll pull some strings for you." A mixture of disbelief and helplessness washed over me. "That's not how it works. Graduate placement is…" "Enough!" Grandpa's voice boomed across the living room, cutting me off. "Does everyone have to make such a racket over one little thing? Can't you see I'm trying to read Hugh a story?" The entire family fell silent. In that huge house, the only sound left was my unsteady breathing as I tried not to cry. I looked at Mom and Dad, then at Grandma and Grandpa. Every one of them was still occupied with Hugh. No one was asking what losing the placement meant for me. No one was actually trying to help me figure out what to do next. I went back to my room, shut the door, and sank to the floor with my back against it. Three years of work were gone because of one missed deadline. Was I supposed to start preparing for graduate entrance exams now? Even if I did, was there enough time left for me to have any real chance? Tears blurred my vision until I could barely see the room in front of me. For the first time in years, I had no idea what came next. Then, my phone chimed. A message from my faculty advisor, Gary Borden, appeared on the screen. "Elowen, what happened? I had a place set aside for you. Why didn't you confirm it? Have you decided to pursue another program?" "I'm sorry, Mr. Borden." Fresh tears spilled down my cheeks as I typed. "I missed the confirmation deadline. I don't know what I'm supposed to do now." Several seconds passed without a response. Then, another message appeared, this time accompanied by a link to an exchange program. "Our university has a partnership with Hawthorne Crest University overseas. I can write you a recommendation for the exchange program. Spending time there would also strengthen your application if you decide to pursue your graduate degree there later." I opened the link. Hawthorne Crest was an excellent university, highly ranked and far more prestigious than anywhere I'd ever imagined myself studying. Go abroad for the exchange program, then apply to stay for graduate school. It wasn't the future I'd planned, but the more I thought about it, the less it felt like a consolation prize. Maybe it could be a new path altogether. Still, my fingers hovered over the screen. If I went that far away, would Mom and Dad miss me? Would Grandpa and Grandma? "Thank you, Mr. Borden. Can I have some time to think about it?" "Of course. Just let me know as soon as you can so I have enough time to prepare the paperwork." Chapter 4 Early the next morning, I woke up to an awful clatter outside my bedroom—pots, pans, and something metal being struck hard enough to make me wince. "Up! Up! Time to get out of bed!" I squinted at the clock. "Mom, it's only 6:00 am." "You didn't come home for Harvest Break just to lie around like you're on vacation, did you?" Mom marched over to my bed with a stainless-steel mixing bowl in one hand and banged on it loudly with a spoon. The noise went straight through my skull. Still half asleep, I forced myself upright. "Breakfast is your responsibility today," she announced. "Your father and I work all week, and taking care of Hugh is exhausting. Since you're home, you can start helping out and take some of the load off us." With that, she turned and left without waiting for an answer. I sat there for a moment, trying to wake up enough to think. Then, I picked up my phone, ordered breakfast for everyone, and went back to bed. By the time I woke up again, it was around ten. I wandered into the dining room and found the rest of the family just sitting down to eat. Apparently, dragging me out of bed at six had accomplished absolutely nothing. "Elowen, these breakfast wraps are great." Dad took an enormous bite of his egg-and-cheese wrap. "Get these again tomorrow." "Of course, they're good." Mom looked distinctly pleased with herself. "I got Elowen up at 6:00 am to make breakfast. That's why we have such a nice spread." The way she said it, anyone listening would have thought she'd personally spent hours in the kitchen. Grandma glanced at the perfectly shaped pastries in front of her, then toward the takeout containers visible in the trash. "Elowen made all this?" Everyone followed her gaze. "Oh, no. I ordered it," I said without hesitation. "It was easier this way, and everyone got to sleep longer." I'd never claimed I'd cooked anything, so I saw no reason to pretend now. Dad's expression immediately changed. "You ordered breakfast and tried to pass it off as homemade?" "I didn't. I literally just told you I ordered it." "You think takeout is free?" Grandpa dropped his pastry onto his plate with a look of disgust. "Do you have any idea how expensive Hugh is to raise? The least you could do is stop wasting the family's money." Mom's eyes widened as if I'd committed some terrible offense. "I got up at 6:00 am to wake you, and this is what you do? After I went to all that trouble?" I stared at her. "I just thought everyone could get some extra sleep and we'd have a nicer breakfast." "Enough with the excuses." Mom shook her head. Disappointment was written all over her face. "I honestly don't understand when you became someone who lies about everything." Had I really done something wrong? Maybe I shouldn't have ordered breakfast. Maybe I should have gotten up at 6:00 am and cooked for everyone like Mom asked. At lunch, I followed a few online tutorials and made a full meal, hoping my family wouldn't be angry with me anymore. Mom took a bite of the barbecue ribs and chewed slowly. "Is it good?" I asked, watching her expectantly. "Mm. It's good." She looked so pleased that her eyes gradually filled with tears. One spilled down her cheek, and I quickly handed her a tissue. So, that was all Mom had wanted. She wanted to eat something I'd made for her myself. Maybe I'd misunderstood them this morning. "Elowen, you're all grown up now," Mom said, her voice thick with emotion. I took her hand, wanting to tell her that I could take care of them now too. "I'm getting old," she continued. "By the time we finish raising your brother, I probably won't have the energy to help raise his children." She looked at the food on the table. "But after seeing how well you can cook, I don't have to worry anymore. When your brother has children someday, I'll be counting on you to take care of them." The smile froze on my face. My fingers slowly loosened around hers until my hand fell away. So, those tears weren't because she was touched that her daughter had grown up. She was relieved because someone would be there to take care of her son's children. Somewhere along the way, it felt as though I'd lost my sense of dignity as a person in this family. I had become an extension of my brother, and my value was measured by what I could do for his life. I lowered my head and ate my food. When Mom finished, she went to feed Hugh. No one noticed anything was wrong. That evening, I opened my conversation with Mr. Borden. "Sir, I've decided to accept the overseas exchange program."