Your Crown Has Nothing to Do with Me

On yearbook photo day, I went over and stood next to my boyfriend, Blake Whitmore. Madison Vance, the cheer captain and sorority president, showed up late, and the crowd parted for her without being asked. A path opened straight to Blake, who stood dead center. "What took you so long? You just turned every head in the place." Blake smiled softly and pulled her into the spot beside him. I was pushed out of the frame. Tyler Brooks, my friend since childhood, caught my arm. "Claire, don't fight Madison for the spot. She's the main character today." Then he traded places with me and took the spot next to her. The crowd started whooping. The fraternity president stood on one side and the vice president on the other, with Madison safely between them. When the group shot was done, the whooping started up again. Blake and Madison had won Cutest Couple in this year's yearbook by a landslide. A hairline crack opened inside my chest, and the cold seeped through it. I was the one dating Blake. Everyone had voted for them anyway. Out on the lawn, the photographer guided the two of them through one close pose after another. Then he called out to us. "Mr. President, where's your fraternity pin? Put it on your queen!" My hand went to the Greek-letter pin over my heart. Blake looked over at me and jogged toward me. "Babe, let me borrow it. Don't be stingy." He took my wrist and moved my hand aside, then removed the pin he'd fastened there himself three years ago. People around us started murmuring. "Oh, that's her. Claire. Blake's girlfriend." "I never even noticed her... She really doesn't stand out." Something in me went hollow, and my hands closed into fists. Your moment of glory has nothing to do with me. So from now on, my life has nothing to do with you. Chapter 1 Then it was time for informal photos. I started toward Blake, wanting to talk to him. Tyler had his camera raised and waved me off. "Claire, you're blocking the shot." I backed into the shade of a tree and watched everyone have a good time without me. Solo shots. Two-person shots. Even a three-person shot with the timer set. Nobody thought to call me over. A little way off, Madison posed for her solo shots. My boyfriend normally acted like the world revolved around him. Now he circled her with a camera, tirelessly hunting for the perfect angle. I'd been his girlfriend for three years, yet I'd never known he could take photos. Watching him fuss over her, I suddenly realized how stupid I'd been to keep waiting. I stood up, brushed the grass off my skirt, and left without looking back. There weren't many people in the classroom. Two girls in the front row were deep in conversation and didn't notice me come in. "Honestly, the frat president and the sorority president? Was there ever any doubt they'd win Cutest Couple? Blake and Madison were made for each other!" "Not for a second. Put them together, and every head in the room turns. They were homecoming king and queen last year, and people chanted for them all night." "Tyler's hot too. On the field, he's second only to Blake!" "Right, right. It's a shame, though. He's declared himself Madison's knight. Says he's protecting his queen." "Wait, doesn't Blake have a girlfriend? What's her name... Claire?" "I think I've heard of her. The quiet one who's always trailing behind them." "Is she really his girlfriend? She looks more like Madison's tagalong. She doesn't fit in with that crowd at all..." They weren't wrong. Since homecoming last year, everyone on campus had assumed Blake and Madison were the golden couple. Nobody remembered I was his actual girlfriend. Blake himself didn't care, either. I didn't want to sit through another minute of it. I picked up my books and walked past them. The conversation stopped dead behind me. Somebody sucked in a breath. I skipped the senior ball that night, but I couldn't just forget about the pin, so I ended up at the ballroom door, hoping to catch Blake alone. As I passed the restrooms, I heard laughter through the gap in the door. Then I heard my own name. "Real talk, Blake. How did Claire end up as your girlfriend?" A voice I didn't recognize teased, "She's like a decoration at every party. She stands in the corner and says nothing." "Hey, she makes the Dean's List every semester. Straight A's," someone else said in a mock-serious voice, egging them on. "So what? She's a nerd," the first voice said with a laugh. "Blake and Madison? That's a match made in heaven! Blake and Claire? Ha! It looks like community service." I stood outside listening. The room wasn't soundproof, so every word carried. Then Blake spoke, and my heart jumped. "Don't talk about her like that." The laughter stopped. Everyone waited to hear what he'd say next. "Claire isn't the kind of person who lights up a room the way Madison does. That's true. She's... she's just not made for parties and stuff like that," he said. "That's why we usually do our own thing." They were on him in a second. "Come on, Blake. Claire isn't even in the same league as Madison!" "You should just get with Madison already. I can see the way she looks at you!" Blake laughed. He didn't argue. "Honestly, I only started dating Claire because of a bet. Someone said a nerd like her would never go for me... Then I found out she's actually all right. "As a girl, though... no, she doesn't have much going for her. But that doesn't stop me from appreciating her." Somebody cut him off. "Come on. How many times have you actually taken her anywhere?" I didn't hear anything after that. I don't even remember how I got away from the door. I drifted out onto an empty road like a ghost. The moment the darkness closed completely around me, whatever was holding me together broke. I sank to the ground and cried as quietly as I could. I had thought Blake was with me because he understood the quiet in me. All I'd ever been was a way for him to pass the time. He'd only approached me in the first place because of a bet. All at once, I thought about the holidays he hadn't shown up for and how he'd never actually stopped texting other girls. My hand rose to my collar before I could stop it. Nothing there. The pin was gone. Chapter 2 Madison, Tyler, and I grew up together. From high school on, the two of them were the most popular people in any room. Beside them, I was ordinary. Honestly, if I hadn't always been with them, no one would have noticed me at all. Madison was beautiful, with a figure to match. The squad she led won nearly every competition it entered, and at each one, an entire section of the stands chanted her name, louder every time. Tyler was the football team's starting wide receiver and was known throughout the school as the party king. His parents traveled for work most of the year. From freshman year on, his basement was where the whole school ended up on Friday nights. Tyler always invited me, of course. But once we got there, the crowd swallowed him and Madison within minutes, and neither of them spoke to me much. I remember one night clearly. I was tucked into the corner of a couch with a drink when one of the guys on the team asked Tyler, "Who's that girl who's always behind you two? You've never introduced her." Tyler shrugged. "You mean Claire? She likes peace and quiet. No need to bother her." Just when I'd accepted that I'd spend the rest of my school years feeling that lonely, Blake showed up. During the fall of my freshman year in college, I had a campus job at the library's circulation desk. A tall guy pushed a stack of books across the counter, and I scanned his card. The screen showed a hold on his account. "Your card's frozen," I said. "You still have an overdue book checked out." That stopped him. He put both hands on the counter and leaned down, his bright blue eyes full of amusement. "Do you know who I am?" "I do." I handed the card back. "It's printed right here. Blake Whitmore." His friends behind him burst out laughing. "Blake, she has no idea who you are. Give your ego a rest." Blake raised an eyebrow and looked at me for a couple of seconds, as if he'd found something interesting. That was when I noticed how good-looking he was. He looked like a Greek statue, his shirt stretched tight across his solid shoulders. He paid the fine without arguing and left with his friends, all of them laughing. After that, he came to the library constantly, always while I was working. He drew even more attention than Tyler. That's how I learned he was famous on campus. For a long time, we did little more than nod to each other. Then one night, he stayed until closing, helped me wheel the book cart behind the stacks, and said out of nowhere, "This is the only place on campus where I can just be a regular person without anyone watching me. "Claire, there's something different about you." I felt like I was dreaming. I thought I'd finally found someone who would see only me. We started dating after that. I thought I was about to move up and join a more popular crowd. Then he and Madison got closer and closer. They clicked so well it startled me. Even their habits and interests lined up. At first, I was happy that the two people closest to me got along. Then there was no space left for me between them. They even went on their own "dates" behind my back. Back at the dorm, my roommate was scrolling through her phone when she exclaimed, "Oh my God, this shot of Blake and Madison is unreal!" Excited, she sent me the behind-the-scenes photos the yearbook account had posted. On the lawn, Blake had an arm around Madison's waist, and she had her head tipped back, laughing. I opened the photo at full size. The Greek letters at her collar caught the sun. The caption read, "King and Queen. Well deserved." The ache in my chest hadn't gone away. I should've been happy for Madison. It just happened to be an award meant for couples. And her partner in it was my boyfriend. The comments had blown up. Tyler's comment was at the top: [Endgame! I've already picked the wedding date for you two!] Below it was a neat row of comments that read, "King & Queen." Blake replied with a fire emoji. I pulled out my phone, opened the post, and scrolled for a long time. The farther I scrolled, the worse I felt. Everyone was congratulating them. Not one comment mentioned that Blake's girlfriend was someone else. I fought back my nausea, liked the post without commenting, and unpinned Blake's chat from the top of my messages. Chapter 3 That evening, our four-person group chat lit up. Tyler dropped a pin for the restaurant: [Usual place, victory pizza! King and Queen are buying!] Madison: [I told you all not to vote for us and nobody listened] Tyler: [Don't play modest. Who spent an entire year going on about wanting to be on the superlatives page?] Blake: [It's called the will of the people] They went back and forth about beer, pizza, senior week, and the trip. Nobody noticed that I hadn't said a word. Maybe nobody minded. Madison: [Let's do Miami for the grad trip. Everyone good with that?] Tyler: [I support the Queen's decision] Blake: [Whatever the Queen says] Nobody asked me what I wanted. They booked it. They were the fraternity president, the vice president, and the sorority president. And I was the one in the background, the one nobody would miss. I backed out of the chat, and an email came in from the International Exchange Office at the University of Florence. I could hear my own heartbeat. For a second, Blake, Madison, and Tyler stopped existing. My hands weren't steady when I opened it, and there it was: the email I'd been dreaming about. [Dear Claire, congratulations. Your exchange application has passed final review. Please confirm your placement by midnight this Friday. If you do not confirm by then, we will consider the offer declined.] I first discovered Dante's Divine Comedy in an elective course. The professor told us that Dante's own city had exiled him and forbidden him to return for the rest of his life. Even in exile, he still wrote about Florence, rebuilding the city on paper even though he could never return to it. Some people can only build what they want after they leave. That courage and sense of freedom moved me. Back then, I thought that even if I couldn't stop people from overlooking me, I would go after something I truly wanted, just this once. I wanted out. I wanted a place where being quiet didn't leave you on the outside. I read my Italian textbook until its corners curled and filled every margin with notes. In the end, I applied to the University of Florence for a master's in Renaissance literature. I never told anyone I had sent that application. Madison had once suggested that the rest of us go to New York with her after graduation. I was beside myself with happiness, believing they'd included me in their future. For a while, I even considered withdrawing my application. But with my heart pounding, I knew exactly what I wanted. I wanted to translate literature, not trail behind the three of them. Thank God I came to my senses before I spent my life orbiting them. Chapter 4 The afternoon after the senior ball, I was tagged in the group chat. Madison: [Claire! I'm so, so sorry. I forgot to give the pin back, and I wore it with my dress to the ball last night. When I got home, I saw that the stem was bent and one of the pearls was chipped.] Madison: [Tell me how to make it up to you. Anything you want.] She knew perfectly well that the pin was what had made Blake and me official. Three years ago, on pinning night, Blake fastened it over my heart while the whole fraternity applauded. He said, "Claire, from now on, this pin stands for me. It means I'm with you for good." The pin's value to me had nothing to do with its price. Blake knew that better than anyone. But his message came in first. Blake: [Relax, Madison. It's a pin.] Blake: [Claire is the chillest person alive. She won't care about this.] Chill? That word brought last winter back to me. I'd saved for two months to buy a dress for formal. Madison asked to borrow it for one night. It came back with red wine stains all down the skirt. Blake said, "Be chill about it, Claire. I'll cover the dry cleaning. Madison was the queen last night. Don't ruin it for her." Three months before last Thanksgiving, Blake had promised to drive me home for the holiday. Two days before we were supposed to leave, Madison mentioned in the chat that she'd be staying on campus for the holiday. Blake immediately decided to stay and keep her company. Then he turned to me and said, "It would be too sad for Madison to spend the holiday alone. Babe, can I drive you home next year instead? You're so chill." And last month, Madison borrowed the old vinyl record my mother had given me and played it at her party. It came back with a scratch across its surface, and it hasn't played a song all the way through since. Blake forgave her on my behalf without asking me. "It's a record. Claire won't care. She's chill about everything." Whenever I showed even the slightest hesitation, he'd ruffle my hair and say in that warm voice, "Come on. You're not going to hold it against her, are you? You're my sweet, chill Claire." By then, he'd made a habit of forgiving her on my behalf, and he'd never once asked me what I wanted. In the chat, Madison was still agonizing over it. [But it was a gift for Claire...] Blake answered instantly. [It's not like it's one of a kind. I'll just get Claire another one. Stop worrying about it. Claire isn't going to hold it against you.] I finally sent my first message of the day. [Blake, I'm not as chill as you think I am.] For two seconds, the chat went quiet. Tyler: [Whoa, Claire herself is feeling chatty today. A rare appearance.] A few seconds later, Blake called. "Babe, what's wrong? Are you mad?" He kept his voice low, as if he were speaking to a child. "It's a pin. I'll get you a new one exactly like it, okay?" "Blake, am I not even allowed to be mad?" I said. "You know exactly what that pin means!" "I know. I know." He spoke gently, then turned it back on me. "Madison didn't do it on purpose. When she realized what she'd done, she cried until her eyes were swollen. She's your best friend. Don't hold it against her, all right?" I took a breath. "Blake, who is your girlfriend? Have you started believing this King and Queen thing?" There was a pause on his end. Then laughter and noise spilled through the phone. Tyler shouted something, and Madison laughed her head off. That stopped me. "You're all together?" "Yeah, we're having movie night at Tyler's," Blake said. "Madison feels awful about what she did to you. She cried all night. Tyler said we should take her mind off it." A laugh escaped me, but there was no warmth in it. I was the one with every right to be upset, yet they were sitting with Madison and sending me messages just to keep me quiet. If I hadn't answered, I never would have known what a good time the three of them were having. Madison leaned closer to the phone. "Claire, do you think maybe you're a little anxious?" Her voice turned sweet and soft. "Do you want me to book you a session at the counseling center? It really helps—" Blake's voice came from beside her, perfectly calm. "She doesn't need counseling. She's overthinking. She'll be fine once she gets some sleep." Overthinking. Whatever. I was done arguing about it. I was leaving anyway. Whatever they did no longer had anything to do with me. Right before the call ended, I heard Blake say softly to Madison, "Come on, we haven't finished the movie yet, okay?" I sat on the edge of my bed for a long time, holding my phone with its screen dark. Outside the window, night settled in, and pinpricks of light began to appear. When it was fully dark, I opened my laptop, went back to the email, and clicked Confirm Placement. Chapter 5 My phone buzzed a second later. [Your placement for Fall 2026 is confirmed. The University of Florence looks forward to welcoming you.] Then I picked up my phone and opened the four-person group chat. Just as I was about to leave, photos of Madison at the ball started flooding the chat. One, then two, then a dozen, scrolling up the screen without stopping. Tyler: [Queen!] Blake sent a clapping emoji. I tapped Leave Group without hesitating. Within seconds, the little system notification was pushed off the screen by new photos. Nobody saw it. To them, I had always been a small figure in the background. A week before I flew out, Blake, who hadn't contacted me since that night, sent me a message. [What day is your flight? I'll pick you up when you land.] I wasn't going to answer. Then, as I put my phone away, a mean little idea came to me. I told him my flight time. I just didn't mention that I was landing in Florence, not New York. The day before I left campus, I went to say goodbye to my advisor. Professor Williams's office was full of boxes. She was packing before going on leave. "Good timing." She pulled a document from a box and handed it to me. "Your final paper. The department is adding it to the honors collection." I took it. My name was printed on the cover. "Also," she said, taking the coffee I'd brought her, "I wanted you to stay for grad school. Your research proposal is excellent. I could have fought for a spot in the department for you. "It's a shame you're going." She sipped her coffee and looked at me with a smile in her eyes. "For what it's worth, Claire, the good in you deserves to be seen. This place really wasn't right for you." I blinked at her, not understanding. "Professor, what do you mean?" "You're a thinker. You're not good with people, but you have real academic insight." She leaned back in her chair. "When it comes to relationships, though, you're not very smart. At one point, I thought the three of you were in a love triangle. "Three years together, and the two of you were almost never alone." Laughter drifted in through the window. Out on the lawn, Tyler crouched down and lifted Madison onto his shoulders so she could reach the senior week banner the wind had knocked crooked. Blake stood beneath them, his head tipped back and his hands hovering at her sides, tense and terrified that she might fall. The three of them looked at ease together. Like best friends. Or like people in love. And none of it had anything to do with me. I had always been the outsider. Professor Williams sipped her coffee, looked back at me, and gave me a look that said more than her words had. I watched the three of them, so comfortable together, and exhaled. "Professor," I said. "You're right. "Research suits me better anyway." The day I flew out was clear. I checked my bags and sat down at the gate. Then my phone buzzed. It was an Instagram alert, one of the special notifications I'd turned on for my "best friend," Madison. A selfie at a gate. She held three boarding passes fanned out in one hand while she, Blake, and Tyler crowded into the frame. The caption read, "Best friends. See you in New York." I liked it without commenting and turned off the alerts. No surprise, Blake hadn't sent me anything. I didn't hesitate. I blocked him. I stood and wheeled my carry-on toward a flight headed in the opposite direction from New York. On the departure board above me, one line glowed quietly. Florence.