This Time, I Choose Not to Marry

Three months into my pregnancy, Henry abandoned me on a sinking cruise ship. All because his childhood sweetheart, Lena, shrieked that she was afraid of water. I pleaded with him to save me and our baby, but he pushed me off the lifeboat. “Can’t you swim? You won’t die!” After being rescued from the sea, I needed surgery for the loss of our baby, but I couldn’t reach Henry to sign the consent form. Then, I saw Lena’s social media post: “True love revealed in hardship. Mr. Dungey, it’s an honor.” The picture showed them wrapped in the same blanket, soaked and scantily clad. After recovering, I drove straight to the Rockies. Henry, who hadn’t contacted me for a month, frantically called me. “Windy, the wedding dress is ready. Aren’t you getting married anymore?” 1. After the farewell convoy departed, I switched on my old phone. Hundreds of missed calls from Henry popped up. Answering, Henry’s voice, thick with suppressed anger, demanded, “Windy, where have you been lately?” “I couldn’t reach you on your phone, and you didn’t reply to my messages. My parents reminded you several times to try on the wedding dress, but they couldn't find you. Do you even want to get married anymore?” I looked at the signed divorce papers in my hand. “Then let’s not bother!” “Windy, what fresh madness is this?” “You were the one who said we’d only get the marriage certificate without a ceremony, and now the invitations have been sent out, and you’re backing out again!” The sound on the other end was noisy. A sweet female voice was comforting him, and his tone softened slightly after being soothed. “Wait there, I’ll pick you up first. We’ll go try on the wedding dress.” The wedding dress was custom-made, and the most expensive part of this minimalist wedding. I had fantasized countless times about marrying him in the most beautiful dress, watched by friends and family. Now, I simply didn’t care. Henry had a new car, a striking sapphire blue, quite flashy. Sitting in the passenger seat, the sunlight was blinding. I pulled down the sun visor and saw lipstick writing on the mirror: “Mr. Dungey love Ms. Lane.” Henry suddenly explained to me, “I replaced the previous car. It was too cheap, unfitting for my status.” That car had been a birthday gift I saved up for, painstakingly. From its color to its interior, every detail was carefully chosen by me. Like me, it had been replaced by Henry. The car stopped in front of the bridal shop. I didn’t get out. “When did you change shops? I remember I chose the one by ‘A’.” Henry pulled me out of the car, casually replying, “A friend said this one was nicer.” I preferred silk wedding gowns, but this shop, from inside to out, was filled with exaggerated ballgowns. My wedding dress was already chosen, yet it was so easily changed to suit Lena’s preference. A salesperson led me to the fitting room. The dress fit well but clashed with my demeanor, much like Henry and I now. Henry looked at me, a rare hint of amazement in his eyes. But I knew it was only for the dress. He deliberately avoided looking at me, imagining Lena wearing it. “This is the one!” he decided without hesitation. I silently allowed him to pull me away. After getting into the car, he asked me, “Why the long face after trying on the wedding dress?” “Haven’t you already had your fun? Still not happy?” “How long are you going to be jealous over such a small thing?” During last month’s cruise trip, when the ship hit a reef and was about to sink, he pushed me off the lifeboat. All because Lena was afraid of water, and I had learned to swim ten years ago. I lost our baby, yet he found his true love, almost completely forgetting about it. Seeing my silence, he began to lecture me. “Of all places, why did you have to go to the mountains!” “And you were pregnant! You’re not twenty anymore; why can’t you be more responsible?” “As a mother, you need to be more steady! The baby is your responsibility now.” I said coldly, “And he wasn’t your responsibility?” “The day the cruise ship sank, when you pushed me off, did you think about the responsibility I carried in my belly?” Henry turned his face away. “Don’t try to twist my words here. I’m not falling for it.” “Go get checked, make sure the baby is alright.” Looking up, we were at the entrance of the obstetrics and gynecology department. The doctor who performed my abortion nervously asked me, “Didn’t you have an abortion last month? Are you feeling unwell?” 2. Henry, who had been lazily sitting aside, looking at his phone, froze when he heard this. “Abortion surgery?” “Windy, you had an abortion behind my back? When was this?” The waiting room was crowded, and all eyes were on us. I looked at his betrayed expression, suddenly remembering two months ago, when he had just discovered my pregnancy and was happily spinning me around in the same hospital lobby. When we first got married, we weren't well-off. We had been legally married for years but never had a wedding ceremony. It wasn't until after I got pregnant and our financial situation improved that I brought up the wedding again, and he was eager then. But now, his indifference tore me apart. In two months, he found true love, and my love sank to the bottom of the ocean. Someone came to mediate, and Henry frowned, pulling me into the stairwell. “June 3rd.” I looked up and saw the anger on his face solidify. That day, the cruise ship accident happened. I was abandoned in the cold sea for five hours before being pulled out. And he had already confessed his heart to Lena and gone home with her. Henry’s voice softened. “Did you get checked after your surgery? You shouldn't hurt your body.” “You suffered so much and didn’t tell me, running off to the mountains by yourself without proper rest.” He reached out and put his arm around my shoulder. “Let me still take you for a check-up, in case there are any lingering effects. We can have children later.” A phone rang in the empty stairwell—a love song. Henry always used the default ringtone, but for Lena, he was always willing to create unique romantic gestures. Lena’s playful voice came from the other end. “Mr. Dungey, are you free today? I was thinking, the cruise ship accident was too dangerous. To protect myself, I need to learn how to swim.” “Would Mr. Dungey be my exclusive coach?” “I’ve been afraid of water since I was little, and I only trust Mr. Dungey.” Henry clearly enjoyed this kind of affection, an unconscious smile spreading across his face. After hanging up, he glanced at me, annoyance in his eyes. “If you hadn’t had the abortion, none of this would be happening.” “Let’s skip today’s check-up. Something urgent came up. I’ll ask my mom to bring you another day!” He left in a hurry, not even taking me with him. I pushed open the door, walked out into the pitying stares of the lobby, and hailed a taxi. It was already July, and the air was hot and suffocating. It felt like drowning in seawater, my heart aching with a dull pain, yet not a single tear could fall. Back home, Henry’s mother called, her voice stern. “Windy, I heard about the abortion.” “You’re just unlucky.” “I’ll take you for a check-up in a couple of days, to make sure it doesn’t affect your future fertility.” I didn’t respond, and her voice softened slightly. “Windy, you grew up without parents. Your uncle and I treat you like our own daughter.” “Don’t blame me for being blunt. A child is gone; life goes on. I’m just worried about your health. If you can have children, then your family line will continue!” Once, I genuinely considered her a mother, thinking that by marrying Henry, I would have a complete family again. But now, I saw clearly that her seemingly righteous words were only about my fertility. “Tomorrow, I’ve invited a priest to perform a ritual for the baby at home. I’ll have Henry come back to send him off too.” “The baby is gone, but your relationship still needs to last.” I placed the old phone face down on the table. If I didn’t listen, I wouldn’t hurt anymore. 3. Perhaps it was from not eating all day, but when I lay down, my stomach cramped with agonizing pain. I wanted to go downstairs and grab something, but I felt nauseous and had no appetite. This marital home, filled with his presence, made me feel utterly miserable. Breaking out in a cold sweat, stars dancing before my eyes, I opened my phone to buy some medicine. Instead, I saw Lena had updated her social media again and even specifically sent me a screenshot. After confirming I had seen it, she retracted the message. “Mr. Dungey is my private swimming coach today!” The picture showed a sparkling blue pool and a selfie of Lena in a bikini. She was sitting on Henry’s lap. Henry’s face wasn’t visible, but the tattoo on his abs was unmistakable. It was my initials, once a symbol of our love. The pain of the stomach cramps, accompanied by ringing in my ears and nausea, surged, and my phone clattered onto the bed. After an unknown amount of time, I recovered somewhat and walked to the door, hearing Henry’s movements as he came home. He was climbing the stairs, on a video call with Lena. His voice was soft and tender, full of affection. “I’m going to the city for a business trip next month. Are you coming?” Lena chuckled. “Of course. We’re going to leave traces of our love everywhere.” I leaned against the door, curled up into myself. No one wants to give up someone they love so dearly. But when silence and heartache accumulate, even if it hurts terribly, it’s time to leave. Henry and I once supported each other, from two junior interns in the company to department directors. We had seen the city at four in the morning, worked overtime for half a year straight, postponed, and then finally canceled our wedding, all for one major project. In the busiest, most exhausting, and toughest times, we would prepare lunchboxes for each other. When we finally found a moment to open them, the food had already spoiled. We comforted each other, promising that after our careers succeeded, and before our rescheduled wedding, we would go to the mountains together, to see the golden sunlight on the peaks. But in the end, only I went. I searched through the embers of our love, but could no longer find a single spark. The next night, I was awakened by the mournful sounds of instruments. Henry’s mother had indeed hired a funeral band, and even prepared a memorial tablet for the unborn child. Henry was ordered to keep vigil, his head bowed, tapping on his phone screen the whole time. Only when I got closer did I see the chat window with Lena. “My mom is making a mountain out of a molehill!” “It’s just a dead baby, without even a name, a tiny fertilized egg, why keep vigil for it!” “It’s not like Windy died.” “I promised to take you to the hot spring resort yesterday, but we’ll have to go another time.” I returned to my room, opened the company system, and submitted my resignation. I used to dislike Oceanport, but it was Henry’s home, so I stayed here for many years. I didn't speak the local dialect, didn't like the local cuisine; I was always an out-of-place outsider. Now, I was determined to start a new life, so I would leave! 4. Before leaving, I went to the company to handle my resignation and bumped into Lena bringing lunch to Henry. “You got fired?” Her eyes were taunting. “Serves you right!” “I told Mr. Dungey long ago that IT isn’t suitable for women. See, you stayed so long, and you still have to leave!” She patted my shoulder. “Windy, love is the same. Incompatible people, even if they get married, will eventually divorce.” “Besides, who even knows about your marriage, apart from having a certificate?” I pushed her hand away and walked straight to the door. She thought I didn’t know that these past two months, Henry and she often secretly stayed on the company’s rooftop. Lunch break ended at two, but as soon as she brought Henry his meal, he would stay on the rooftop until four before coming down to work. He was the Deputy Director of Marketing, often on business trips, so he rarely came to the office. He wasn't at home either; he was probably enjoying himself with Lena. However, from now on, he probably wouldn’t be smiling. When I resigned, Mr. Edwards spoke to me from the heart, but his message was clear: he was going to fire Henry. Previously, as Director of R&D and a key figure in the company, our relationship made it difficult to embarrass Henry. But now, with my firm decision to leave, the Deputy Director of Marketing position could be replaced. Mr. Edwards said, “Mr. Davies’s son just graduated and returned home, and Mr. Davies intends for him to take over as director.” I said, “Then let it be so!” As I walked out the main entrance, it was almost noon, and Henry was just hurrying in to clock in for work. Seeing me with a box, he was first puzzled, then quickly understood. “Alright, the wedding is this Sunday.” “Go home and rest well. After you’re married, don’t run off anymore. That way you’ll also have an easier time.” Lena stood behind me, her tone intimate. “Is Mr. Dungey looking down on ambitious career women?” She was a makeup artist, traveling everywhere to do makeup. As far as I knew, at least four or five times, Henry told me he was on a business trip, but he was actually traveling with her. Henry and I had been married for so many years and had never traveled together, except for the cruise trip. The trip to the Rockies I always wanted was postponed again and again. But that one time, when I suggested the cruise trip, he didn't refuse. It was only because Lena was also going. I looked up. Henry’s smile was radiant, as tender as when we were first in love. “Lena, you know you’re different.” That tenderness was already someone else’s. My colleagues in the department wanted to hold a farewell party for me. I didn’t want to make a big deal, so I quietly left. This only further convinced Henry that I was out of options in the industry, heartbroken after losing the baby, and was returning home to be a housewife. He coldly brushed past me, saying only one thing. “After the wedding, I’ll give you everything you want.” “Stop with your childish antics and schemes!” I smiled. “Alright, I won’t cause trouble anymore.” And I don't want you anymore. “Henry, let’s get a divorce!” He scoffed. “Windy, were you fired and it upset you?” “The cost of living in Oceanport is so high. You’ve lost your job and you want a divorce from me. Wouldn’t you have to slink away from Oceanport?” He finally dropped his pretense, revealing a harsh, sneering face. I wasn’t surprised, didn’t give him a glance, and hailed a taxi to leave. Back home, the bridal shop had already delivered the ordered wedding dress. The enormous ballgown filled the wardrobe to bursting. I gazed at the magnificent skirt, but I couldn’t recall the joy I felt when we first started planning the wedding. Grabbing a pair of scissors, I cut the skirt into shreds, then tossed it into the trash along with my wedding ring. The garbage truck swallowed the white tulle, now stained, like this chaotic love.