I Walked Away to Find My Own Life

At 3:00 a.m., I was slapped awake. "Your sister had a panic attack. She spent two hours banging on your door, and you had the nerve to pretend you were asleep!" My parents stood at my bedside, faces rigid with fury. My sister, Faye Radford, was huddled in the arms of Kellan Garrett, my boyfriend since childhood. She shook with sobs. "Alina, you're so selfish." Kellan looked at me, his voice thick with disapproval. "You know Faye can't function without you." I had always been the only thing that calmed her down when the panic hit. The moment I tried to put any distance between us, she spiraled again. She was the reason I had given up my spot at a top prep school to transfer to the same public one she entered. She was the reason I ended up at the same ordinary state university, even after I earned one of the highest academic records in the district. Earlier that night, just before bed, I had received a job offer from one of the biggest firms in Bartley. "You're not taking that job in Bartley." My father left no room for argument. "The restaurant downstairs needs a waitress. Go apply tomorrow." "Faye can't get by without you." My mother settled Faye into my bed. "From now on, leave your door open at night and check in with Faye before you go to sleep." Kellan pulled the blanket over Faye and tucked in the edges with care. I watched the warm, picture‑perfect scene in front of me, then lowered my gaze and opened the email app on my phone. I accepted the offer from a renowned interior design firm in Lavenne. My start date was 5 days away. This time, I went after a life of my own. Chapter 1 The next morning, Mom suddenly changed her tune. "Bartley isn't completely off the table." My hand paused on the mop. The night before, my sister Faye Radford had slept in my bed, clutching my hand and insisting she could only fall asleep to the sound of my breathing. I had sat at the edge of the bed the entire night, and the moment the sun came up, I was dragged out of it to do chores. Still, when I heard those words, a flicker of hope stirred in my chest. "Really?" I held my breath and looked at Mom. "Of course. Faye goes with you. She will live with you. Rent a bigger place with bedrooms next to each other, and no locking the doors." I looked at Faye. She sat in her pajamas, sipping milk without a care in the world, her cheeks rosy. "What would she even do in Bartley?" Mom frowned. "She is this sick and you want to force her to work? She cannot be without you. Wherever you go, she goes." Dad chimed in. "I looked into it. Designers worked often work long hours and travel for projects. That was not a good fit for you." Kellan Garrett handed me his phone. On the screen was a conversation he had been having with someone from HR. "I checked, and our company still needed janitors. The hours were short, so whenever Faye needed you, you could be there right away." He said it with complete sincerity, as if he genuinely solved a problem for me. Kellan and I had both been hired for design positions at the same company. His future stretched out wide and unobstructed, while mine had to make way for Faye first. "I was hired as an interior designer," I said. "Turn it down." Mom said it like it was the most natural thing in the world. "You can always find another job. Faye's condition cannot wait." Dad tapped the flyer on the table, the one from the restaurant downstairs. "Letting you go to Bartley is already the biggest compromise this family is making. Do not be ungrateful." I managed a thin smile. In this family, fighting for my own life was called being ungrateful. Faye threw her arms around me. "I knew you'd come through for me." She leaned close to my ear, her voice so low only I could hear it. "Don't think you can shake me off, Alina. You'll never have a better life than me." I turned my head to look at her. She flashed me a quick wink, her eyes full of satisfaction. The second I finished cleaning, Faye announced she wanted to go to the mall for supplies. My parents agreed before she even finished the sentence. I started to refuse, but Mom's expression turned cold. "She cannot be without you. Of course you are going." Kellan took my arm. "Alina, just do as they say. Faye's sick. Cut her some slack." He pulled me out the front door before I could say another word. The whole way there, he and Faye talked about what life in Bartley would look like. Faye said she wanted a big room with a bay window, and Kellan looked at her with open adoration. "Don't worry. You'll get it." Faye said she was nervous about unfamiliar surroundings and might not be able to sleep. "It's fine. Your sister and I will take turns keeping you company." They had it all mapped out. Nobody asked me anything. It was as if my move to Bartley had nothing to do with work. I was just relocating to keep looking after Faye. The subway station was packed. Faye held onto my hand the entire time. When the doors opened and the crowd pushed me toward the entrance, she shoved me from behind without warning. I stumbled into the car, but she let go and stayed on the platform. The chime sounded. The doors were about to close. Faye's face went white. She crouched on the platform, helpless, screaming after me. "Don't leave me, Alina!" I frowned and started to step off. Kellan looked at me, and the coldness and suspicion in his eyes rooted me to the spot. The next second, he squeezed sideways through the closing doors and ran to her. Seven years earlier, he had told me he would always choose me first, no matter what happened. This time, he did not hesitate for even a second. Chapter 2 I got off at the next station and took the return train back. Faye sat on the platform bench with all of them around her. Mom held her and gently patted her back, while Dad stood on the other side gripping her hand. Kellan knelt in front of her and coached her through each breath. "Don't be scared. I'm right here. "Look at me. Slow it down." Faye sobbed so hard she could barely breathe, her fingers locked around his sleeve. Kellan let her hold on without a single flinch. I stood a few steps away and watched them for a long time. Mom spotted me and went off immediately. "Oh, so you decided to come back? You know she can't be away from you, so why did you get on that train?" I pressed my lips together. "She pushed me." The moment the words left my mouth, Faye's tears spilled over. "Why would you say that? Is it because I asked to go out? Are you mad at me? Is that why you pulled away on purpose?" Kellan lifted his head, and his expression turned dark. "Faye had an episode because of you. She couldn't breathe. Instead of caring about her, the first thing you do is point fingers and try to shift the blame. "When did you become like this, Alina?" My eyes burned. "I didn't do anything." Dad shut me down. "Enough. This isn't the time for your petty grudges." It was always the same. Everything Faye did was justified. I could not even defend myself without being in the wrong. I braced a hand against the wall. My vision went dark. I had not eaten a single thing since the night before. "I don't feel well," I managed, my voice rough. Kellan frowned and started toward me, but Faye's breathing suddenly hitched. She collapsed against his chest. "I can't breathe again." He turned back and pulled her close without a second thought. "Take it slow. I'm right here." Mom looked anxious. "Let's go home. There are too many people here. It'll only make her worse." They moved toward the exit in a tight circle around Faye. Kellan held her against him and shielded her from the crowd with his body. Dad carried her bag and flanked her other side. Mom walked ahead and glanced back every few steps with worry etched across her face. Not one of them looked at me. I tried to follow, but my legs buckled. Right as I was about to collapse, an unfamiliar girl caught my arm. "Are you okay? Is your blood sugar low?" Her face was full of concern. She pressed a chocolate bar into my hand, and I tore the wrapper open and put it in my mouth. The bitterness spread across my tongue. My vision stayed blurred for a long time before I could bring myself to whisper a thank you. When I got home, Mom directed a pair of installers in the living room. "Put them in that room." She pointed to my room. "Mom, what are they installing?" She did not look up. "Cameras." Her tone was flat, as though she talked about putting up curtain rods. "Faye had two episodes today because she couldn't see you. The cameras will let her check on you whenever she needs to." I looked over. Two cameras had been mounted in opposite corners. When one of the installers adjusted the angle, he muttered under his breath, "Full coverage, no blind spots. It's like monitoring an inmate." Mom's face hardened. "Watch your mouth. This is to keep someone safe." Faye sat on the couch and hugged a tablet to her chest, looking pleased. On the screen, every corner of my room was on full display. Kellan walked over to me. "It's just a couple of cameras. It won't change your life. Once Faye gets better, they'll come down. Just let it go for her sake." I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. They all seemed to have forgotten one thing. Faye's panic disorder had never been formally reassessed. Her first episode had been the year we applied to high schools. I had tested into the top prep school in the city, and the moment she heard, she collapsed and gasped for air. A doctor gave a preliminary diagnosis of panic disorder and recommended a full evaluation and treatment plan. She refused and claimed I was her cure. As long as I stayed by her side, she would be fine. I gave up my spot and followed her to the same public school. Senior year, I scored first in the entire district. I could have gone to the national art institute, but she spiraled again and cried and begged me not to leave. I ended up at the same ordinary state university. After that, every hangout with friends had to include her. Every date had to include her. Even the graduation trip I took with Kellan had to be booked as a room for three. Everyone told me to wait and be patient. I had waited 7 years. I had been patient for 7 years. She had only gotten worse. My phone buzzed in my pocket. The firm in Lavenne had sent an email asking whether I could still make my original start date. Six months earlier, I had won an award at a national design competition. One of the judges, a designer at the firm, had taken an interest in my portfolio and invited me to join multiple times. I had kept hesitating because of Faye's episodes. I looked up at the camera. Its red light blinked steadily. I lowered my head and typed my reply. "I will be there on time." Then I booked the earliest flight to Caselle, 3 days away. Chapter 3 The camera hung over my head, so I had to change clothes under the covers. I did not sleep that entire night. The next morning, Faye came to me and held out her hand. "I want to install a sharing app on your phone. You were on it all night, and I'm worried you're keeping secrets from me." She looked at me with wide, helpless eyes. "It makes me anxious." I held my phone behind my back. "No." The living room went silent. Everyone stared at me. Mom frowned. "It is just a phone. What could you possibly need to hide?" "It is my privacy," I said firmly. Dad scoffed. "Privacy? We are family. Since when do we need privacy from each other? If you were not always trying to ditch Faye, she would not be this insecure." Kellan tried a softer approach. "You two are sisters. Why draw such hard lines? I will make it up to you later, I promise." I looked at all of them and felt something inside me go hollow. "When is later?" I asked. He froze. "When she gets better? When she does not need me anymore? Or when my entire life is already over?" Every face in the room changed. My voice shook. "I already gave up my high school for her. I gave up my college. I was forced to give up my dream. That still was not enough for you. "Now you want my privacy and my freedom, too." I could barely hold the words steady. "Does my whole life have to revolve around her?" Mom's head snapped toward me. "What about your sister's life? You are her older sister. She is sick. She cannot be without you. If you will not take care of her, who will?" I opened my mouth to respond, but Faye cut in, tears streaming down her face. "Stop it. If Alina does not want me around, if she thinks I ruined her life, then I will pay her back with mine." She turned and ran for the balcony. "Faye." Mom screamed and bolted after her. Kellan and Dad rushed over at the same time. They pulled Faye back from the window, one on each side. She trembled so hard she could barely stand. "All I wanted was to be close to my sister. Is that really so wrong?" Mom held her tight and cried with her. Kellan murmured to her over and over, trying to calm her down. Dad's eyes were bloodshot. He turned and slapped me so hard I hit the floor. "She is your sister. Are you trying to push her over the edge? Is that what it takes to make you stop? How can you be this heartless?" My head rang, and my vision blurred. Through the chaos, I saw Faye glance at me and raise her eyebrows, just slightly. It was quick, but I caught every bit of it. She had figured out the rules of this house a long time ago. All she had to do was break down, and everyone lined up to force me into submission. Kellan walked over and stood in front of me. "Give me your phone." I looked up at him. "You are going to force me, too?" Something flickered in his eyes, a hesitation that vanished almost as soon as it appeared. "I just do not want Faye getting hurt again." He grabbed my wrist and took the phone out of my hand. I tried to snatch it back, but Mom and Dad lunged forward and pinned my arms from both sides. Kellan bent his head over the screen. One by one, he authorized permissions for location tracking, audio recording, photo access, and contacts. A chime confirmed the installation was complete. From that moment on, every move I made would be under Faye's surveillance. She leaned back on the couch. Her face was still pale, but the tension in her expression had begun to ease. "Mom, it is not enough." She reached into the drawer of the coffee table and pulled out a sealed plastic bag. Inside was a syringe and a chip no bigger than a grain of rice. Mom avoided my eyes. "I had someone get this for me. It is a pet tracking chip. Once it is in, Faye will never have to worry about losing you again." Chapter 4 I thrashed against them. "Have you all lost your minds?" Mom pinned my arm down. "Alina, just bear with it for Faye's sake. If she knows where you are, she will not have episodes." Dad pressed my shoulders flat. "As long as you stay by Faye's side every day, this thing will not make any difference." Kellan clenched his jaw and tightened his grip. "Alina, it will be over soon. Just bear with it for Faye." Bear with it. That was what they told me when they forced me to give up the top prep school. It was what they told me when they forced me to give up the national art institute. Now they wanted to turn me into Faye's pet, chained to her side, and they were still telling me to bear with it. The needle broke the skin, and I stopped struggling. I stared at my parents' faces, twisted and determined, and a memory surfaced from when I was small. Back then, when I was afraid of needles, they held me in their arms and promised it would not hurt. Dad spoke to me in a gentle voice. Mom stood beside us with tears in her eyes. Now they were the ones holding me down. When the injection was done, Mom let out a long, heavy breath, as though the family had finally dealt with a problem that had been plaguing them. Dad took my ID, my passport, and my personal records, sealed them in a folder, and handed everything to Faye. "Let Faye hold onto these. It will put her mind at ease." Faye clutched the folder to her chest. "From now on, wherever you go, I will be right there with you." I looked down at the wound on my arm. Blood was still seeping through. I let out a quiet laugh. "Okay." Mom's expression softened. "Good. I am glad you have come around." Kellan smiled and reached over to pat my head. "I will treat you even better from now on." I did not say anything. Back in my room, the red light on the camera kept blinking in the corner of my vision. Mom's voice drifted in from the living room. "Feel better now?" Faye smiled and nodded. That night, I did what I always did. I sat with her and coaxed her to sleep. She pointed at the camera and grinned at me. "I will be watching you all the time, you know." I did not answer. I sat beside her until she fell asleep. At 2:00 a.m., I slid my hand under her pillow and found the key. I opened the cabinet, stuffed my documents into my bag, and went back to my room. I arranged pillows under the blanket to look like a body. Then I took a small knife and reopened the wound that had not yet healed, and dug the tracking chip out. The obedient, well‑behaved "Alina" they wanted so badly, I left behind for them. Then I put my bag on my back and slipped out of the house without a sound. The plane climbed through the clouds. I watched the city shrink beneath me, smaller and smaller, until it disappeared. I finally let myself breathe. My life did not have to make way for anyone else anymore.