My Love for You Is Gone

On the day of our graduation trip, my girlfriend suddenly went silent for half an hour. I didn't hear from her until just before I went through security. "Nicholas, you go ahead and board. Blake and I got upgraded to first class at the last minute. You know his back isn't great. He'll be uncomfortable in economy." Blake Walker was my younger brother in name, and every trip was the same. Whether we flew or took the train, Tiffany Spencer always made sure he got a first-class or business-class seat, while I was left squeezed into economy or a regular train seat. Even our carefully planned trip to the northern coast had been changed to a beach resort in the south simply because Blake casually mentioned that he liked the ocean. After two hours in economy, my back was aching badly, so I finally texted Tiffany. [I want to sit with you two.] Her reply was cold. Tiffany: [We'll be there in another hour. First class is expensive. Don't waste the money.] When we landed, the two of them were nowhere to be found. Tiffany explained over the phone. "Blake's hungry. I'm going to grab something to eat with him first. Come over once you've gotten everything sorted out." Then she told me to book the return flights. "Book our return flights. Two first-class tickets and one economy ticket. Don't forget." I tightened my grip on my phone and quietly said, "Okay." Then I bought three tickets. Two first-class tickets were bound for Kensford, while the third was bound for Aldmere, Loravia. Chapter 1 I dragged three suitcases to the hotel by myself and took a cab. By then, I'd long since gotten used to the strange looks from passersby. After all, this wasn't the first time something like this had happened. Once, when we'd taken a train to another city, Blake complained that it was too much trouble to go back to the hotel and drop off the luggage. Hence, Tiffany dumped all the bags on me. By the time I'd put everything away and made it to the tourist attraction, they'd already finished sightseeing. In the cab, I scrolled through my social media feed to kill time. The first post was from Blake. It had two pictures. One showed the clouds outside his window on the plane. The other was a side profile of Tiffany. The caption read: [The clouds are beautiful. Thanks, Tiffany, for upgrading me to first class!] He'd posted it just a minute ago, and Tiffany had already liked it. As for my posts, she'd never even looked at them, let alone liked one. The comments were already pouring in. [Did you finally get with your dream girl? If you can't win her over now, don't call yourself my best buddy!] [First class whenever he wants. She really treats you well!] Blake replied with a big, toothy grin emoji. I shoved my phone back into my pocket. My lower back was killing me. Blake had mentioned his sore back only once, and Tiffany had remembered. Every time they flew, she made sure he got a first-class seat. I'd had a back injury for years, yet she'd never once asked me about it. Tiffany had booked the hotel rooms. She'd reserved a luxury king room for Blake at 200 dollars a night. For us, she'd chosen a 50-dollar budget room. She'd rather squeeze into a cramped double bed with me than let Blake stay anywhere but the most expensive king room. It wasn't as though I'd never been jealous. But whenever I brought it up, she responded impatiently. "Nicholas, what kind of man gets jealous of his younger brother?" Eventually, I stopped saying anything. After I dropped off the luggage, I took a taxi to the restaurant. By the time I arrived, Tiffany and Blake had already finished eating. There was nothing at my place. They hadn't ordered anything for me. Blake gave me an apologetic smile. "Sorry, Nic. I forgot to order yours." Tiffany froze for a second, then immediately pulled out her phone and placed an order. "Nicholas, I bought a coupon for a 5.50-dollar special. Just eat that. We should save some money." She pushed her phone toward me. They'd just ordered a 42-dollar dinner for two, yet when it came to me, suddenly a 5.50-dollar budget meal was good enough. The anger inside me only intensified. I pushed her phone back toward her. "No thanks. I'll order for myself." I scanned the menu with my own phone and ordered something more expensive. Tiffany's expression immediately darkened. "Nicholas, seriously? Just because I didn't put you in first class, you're throwing a tantrum now?" I set my phone down and looked at her. All the anger I'd swallowed over the years came rushing out at once. "Tiffany, why can't I sit in first class? Why can't I sleep in a king bed? Why is my food always the cheapest while Blake gets the best of everything?" Tiffany fell silent for a few seconds. "Nicholas, Blake's younger. It's only right that we take a little more care of him." Blake immediately picked up his phone. "If you hate having me around that much, I'll leave. I'll book a flight right now..." Tiffany snatched the phone from his hand and turned toward me, ready to blame me. I stood up. "You don't have to leave. I'm leaving." I packed up the meal I'd ordered for myself and walked out the door. Behind me, Tiffany shouted, "Nicholas! What the hell do you mean?" Truthfully, I didn't mean anything by it. I was just tired of being part of this ridiculous three-person relationship. An acceptance email from a prestigious university overseas was still sitting in my inbox. I'd received it a few days ago. I'd been wondering how I should tell her. But now, there was no need. Chapter 2 I walked back to the hotel alone. On the way, my social media feed kept updating. Blake had posted another collage. Every single picture had been taken by Tiffany. She was always complaining that taking pictures was a hassle and that she was terrible at it. She almost never taken pictures of me. There were barely any photos of the two of us together in my camera roll. Yet the pictures she'd taken of Blake were beautifully composed, with carefully chosen lighting and angles. Blake left a comment beneath the post. [Thanks to my favorite photographer for these amazing shots!] The comments were full of praise. [So good-looking!] [These are incredible!] So Tiffany wasn't bad at taking pictures. She just didn't want to take them for me. I ate the food that had gone cold, but it tasted like cardboard. … Six hours passed, and my phone remained completely silent. Tiffany hadn't sent me a single message. She was too busy showing Blake around all the tourist spots, taking pictures of him, and shopping with him. The graduation trip that was supposed to be ours had completely turned into a sweet getaway for the two of them. When Tiffany finally came back, she was carrying some late-night food. "Nicholas, I got your favorite spicy chicken wings. Don't be mad at me." She held the chicken wings out to me, her eyes unusually gentle. The strong smell of chili flakes hit me, and my stomach began to ache again. I couldn't eat spicy food. Whenever I did, my stomach hurt. And spicy chicken wings weren't even my favorite. They were Blake's. Yet Tiffany always ordered them spicy. Even the chicken wings she'd brought back were leftovers from what the two of them had already eaten. "Tiffany, I can't eat spicy food." A flicker of embarrassment crossed her face. "I'm sorry. I forgot. I'll order something else..." She pulled out her phone to place another order, but I pressed down on her hand. "Don't. I don't want anything. Tiffany, we..." The words "break up" had barely reached my lips when my phone rang. Blake was shouting on the other end, "Nic, someone's pounding on my hotel room door. They're trying to get in..." Before I could even react, Tiffany jumped to her feet and rushed out. She didn't even bother closing the door behind her. By the time I reached the floor above, Tiffany was standing in front of Blake, shielding him behind her. She planted her hands on her hips and glared at the hotel staff. "How does your hotel even handle security? Those drunk guys were banging on his door so loudly. How could you not hear them?" The staff apologized repeatedly and promised to upgrade the room for free as compensation. Blake stood behind Tiffany, his face pale with fear. When he saw me, he called out softly, "Nic..." I patted him on the shoulder. "You okay?" Blake shook his head. "I'm fine. Thank goodness Tiffany got someone right away. I'm just easily scared. Sorry for causing trouble for you guys..." Tiffany immediately turned to him. "What trouble? You're younger. Taking care of you is the least we can do." Then she glanced at me. "Go back and pack your things. We're moving into the room next to Blake's." It took me forever to move all the luggage into the new room. Not long afterward, another message from Tiffany popped up. Tiffany: [Blake's scared to sleep alone. I'm going to stay with him for a while.] I stared at the message and let out a cold laugh. Scared? Blake had gone to extraordinary lengths to compete with me for Tiffany. I lay awake on the king-sized bed until 3:00 a.m. Tiffany still hadn't come back. My phone screen suddenly lit up. Blake had sent me a picture. Tiffany was leaning against the headboard of his bed with her eyes closed, their fingers intertwined. Blake: [Nic, Tiffany's exhausted. Let her sleep here tonight. Don't worry. I'll sleep on the couch.] It wasn't a request. It was a notification. Ever since we were kids, Blake had always tried to take everything from me. Our relatives always told me to give in to him. They said he was younger. He was my little brother. They said I was adopted, so I should be more understanding than to compete with him. Hence, when he started getting close to Tiffany, I stayed silent. When he insisted on joining us on our graduation trip, I didn't object. But what did I get in return? Tiffany and Blake only grew closer, while I became an invisible third wheel they could discard at any moment. I didn't reply to his message. I simply turned off my phone. When I woke up the next morning, Tiffany was sitting at the vanity, putting on her makeup. As she applied her lipstick, she asked, "Nicholas, what was it you wanted to tell me yesterday?" Chapter 3 The words "break up" reached the tip of my tongue, but I swallowed them back. It wasn't because I couldn't bear to let go of all those years together. I simply knew Tiffany too well. She'd never believe I was actually breaking up with her. She'd only think I was angry. I pressed my lips together. "It's nothing." Tiffany casually grabbed a shirt and tossed it to me. "Get dressed. Don't keep Blake waiting too long." The moment I pulled on my shirt, she dragged me out the door. Compared to my plain clothes, Blake looked exceptionally sharp today. Standing side by side, the two of them looked far more like a couple than we did. At the tourist attraction, Tiffany bought anything Blake showed the slightest interest in without even glancing at the price. When a 3-dollar fridge magnet caught my eye for a second, she immediately said it was too expensive. By the time we'd made one lap around the place, the two of them had filled two large shopping bags. All I had was a bottle of water. Tiffany naturally shoved the bags into my hands. "Nicholas, you're the older one. It's not too much to ask you to carry some of our stuff, right?" The weight dropped suddenly into my hands and nearly pulled me off balance. By the time I steadied myself, the two of them had already walked into another store. I trailed behind with the two heavy bags while they strolled ahead, arm in arm. When I finally caught up, I found them posing for a picture at one of the attraction's popular photo spots. The photographer smiled at Blake. "Young man, your girlfriend is beautiful." Blake hurriedly explained, his face turning red. "She's not my girlfriend yet." The photographer gave him a knowing thumbs-up. Tiffany didn't bother correcting him. I stood right beside her, yet it felt as though an entire galaxy separated us. She'd never held my hand in public. She'd never called me her boyfriend in front of other people. Whatever intimacy we shared was confined to the pitch-black hours of the night. Perhaps she noticed my displeasure because, for the first time, she spoke up. "Nicholas, I'll take a picture of you." She urged me toward the photo spot. Instead, I grabbed her arm. "You're taking it with me." Blake immediately tried to squeeze in. "Let's take one together. It's been forever since the three of us took a picture." I pushed him aside. "No. I only want a picture with my girlfriend." The smile on Blake's face froze. He bit his lip unwillingly, then raised his phone and took our picture. The moment he finished, Tiffany pulled away from me. "Nicholas, we got the picture. You should be over it now, right? Blake's younger than you. Why are you jealous of him?" She walked over to Blake and linked her arm through his. "Come on. I'll take you around. Your brother's just being petty. Let's ignore him." Blake nodded with reddened eyes and looked as though he'd just been bullied. Quite a few people nearby had stopped to watch the scene. "Damn, that gorgeous girl's boyfriend isn't even the handsome guy?" "Isn't that her bodyguard? He was carrying all their stuff just now." "No way. That's the first time I've ever mistaken a couple on a trip." Their words cut into me like knives. When we were kids, we'd played house together. Tiffany was always the queen, Blake was the king, and I was always stuck playing the guard or servant. Later, when we reached high school, the entire school was obsessed with the idea of Tiffany and Blake as a couple. They'd grown up together, came from similar backgrounds, and seemed like a perfect match. Then I came along and got between them. My classmates mocked me for being a poor country boy who wasn't good enough for Tiffany. The next day, Tiffany openly held my hand at school and silenced them with her actions. She'd heard every one of those comments. In the past, she would've marched over and argued with those people until they were too scared to say another word. But now, she merely frowned and kept walking. When she realized I wasn't following, she turned around and called to me. "Nicholas, come on. Let's go to the next attraction." I set the bags on the ground and spoke calmly. "I want to see the dolphin show. You two can carry your own stuff." Tiffany grabbed me and pulled me back. "Nicholas, what's the rush? It's just a show. I'll take you tomorrow. "Let's go to the aquarium today. Blake's been wanting to see it for ages." Blake… At some point, though I couldn't say exactly when, every conversation I had with Tiffany had started revolving around him. "Tiffany, I never said I needed you to come with me." Before she could answer, I climbed into a taxi and left. From then on, I would walk the rest of the road alone. Chapter 4 By the time I reached the venue, the show had already started. I thought I'd enjoy it, but instead, I checked my phone more than a dozen times. I was still waiting for Tiffany to call, hoping that, just once, she'd come and comfort me. Even if it was only once, maybe I wouldn't have lost quite so miserably. But the show ended, and she still hadn't sent me a single message. The only thing waiting for me was a new post on her social media. In the photo, the silhouettes of a man and a woman leaned against each other beneath the setting sun. It was romantic. Beautiful, even. The caption was only two words: [Watching the sunset.] She had time to watch the sunset with Blake, but she couldn't spare even a moment to call and ask how I was doing. I let out a bitter laugh that felt more painful than tears. When I reached the beach, Tiffany and Blake were already getting ready to leave. She didn't ask where I'd been. Instead, she immediately started scolding me, "Nicholas, what took you so long? Do you have any idea how long we've been waiting for you?" In contrast to Tiffany's anger, my reaction was almost indifferent. "You and Blake were having such a good time watching the sunset. I didn't dare interrupt." Color flashed across Tiffany's face, first red, then pale. "Nicholas, you've been acting strange since this trip started. What exactly are you angry about?" She looked at me as if I were a child throwing a tantrum. "Tiffany, what do you think I'm angry about?" I shot back. I pointed at Blake. My voice trembled despite my efforts to control it. "We agreed this trip was supposed to be just the two of us. Then, right before we left, you suddenly told me he was coming too. "I spent two months planning our trip to the north, and you changed the entire destination to the beach just because he said he wanted to see the ocean. "And just now, when people thought you and Blake were a couple, you didn't even bother to explain." "Nicholas, I only see Blake as a younger brother. We're not what you think we are..." She reached for my hand, but I immediately stepped back to avoid her touch. At this point, I wouldn't believe anything she said. I turned and walked quickly toward the far end of the beach. I didn't realize Blake had followed me until I heard his voice. "Nic, Tiffany and I aren't like that. We haven't crossed any lines. She only sees me as her little brother..." "Blake, do you actually believe that yourself? You can pretend in front of Tiffany. You don't have to do it with me." Blake fell silent for a moment. Then he suddenly laughed. "Nicholas, when you stole Tiffany from me, you should've known this day would come." I couldn't hold back anymore. I swung my fist and punched him. Tiffany and I had chosen each other. Our relationship had been mutual from the beginning. Yet in Blake's version of the story, I'd stolen his girlfriend. The punch stunned him. Once he recovered, he shouted angrily, "Nicholas, how dare you hit me?" He lunged at me like a madman and started throwing punches. I fought back with everything I had. We'd lived under the same roof for more than a decade, yet this was the first time we'd ever come to blows. Blake's face was covered in bruises. So was mine. Neither of us was willing to back down. Then a massive wave suddenly crashed into us and knocked us both into the water. Another wave followed immediately and swept us farther and farther from shore. Neither of us could swim. We kicked desperately and screamed for help. A familiar figure appeared on the shore. It was Tiffany. She tore off her jacket and dove into the water, swimming toward me. "Tiffany! I'm over here!" Blake shouted. She turned sharply toward him. Without a moment's hesitation, she changed direction. I kept screaming for help until my throat was raw, but Blake was the only person in her eyes. She held him firmly and swam back toward shore. No matter how loudly I called, she never looked back. The waves lifted me high before slamming me back down. Seawater rushed into my throat and choked me until I couldn't make another sound. Tiffany reached the shore and laid Blake on the sand, then immediately checked him for injuries. From beginning to end, she never once looked in my direction. The waves carried me farther and farther away. Despair slowly swallowed me whole and consumed me from within. One could see a person's true feelings most clearly when life and death were on the line. In the end, she still chose Blake. I stopped fighting and let myself sink. Through the howling sea wind came a heart-rending scream. "Nicholas!" I no longer had the strength to open my eyes.