You Can't Have It Both Ways

My husband's "sworn sister" was an internet influencer, the kind who loved filming herself taking on every viral challenge she could find. At our son's birthday dinner, she lifted her phone with a grin. "Challenge number one hundred twenty-eight, and this time it's..." Her voice trailed off. A second later, she turned and kissed Julian Speck square on the mouth. "Steal ten kisses from your best buddy without getting caught!" Julian stood there and let it happen, his face full of indulgence. When the kiss ended, he glanced sideways at the phone with mock exasperation. "Are you sure this counts as 'without getting caught,' Laura?" Laura Kimmel punched him in the arm and bared her teeth in a grin. "Try catching me and see what happens!" My fingers shook with anger. Without thinking, I grabbed my water glass and threw it at her. But my son, Charles Speck, caught my wrist before I could. "Mom, don't ruin it. Laura isn't even done with her challenge yet." My bestie, Jennifer Dern, pressed my hand down too, backing him up. "It's just a game. Don't make people think you can't take a joke." My brother, Bobby Milton, walked over to my side. "It's Charles's birthday today. Don't be so petty about it, sis. You're embarrassing everyone." Amid the laughter and cheer, the challenge went on. I felt cold all over. I looked around the table. Every single person there was someone I loved and trusted most in the world. And every one of them was grinding me into the dirt to protect another woman. I didn't want a family like that anymore. Chapter 1 The crash of the glass against the table cut through the room, and the noise around us died instantly. "What a fun challenge. Why not let me join in?" My voice stayed even, but Julian Speck caught the edge under it right away and moved to smooth things over. "Don't be mad, honey. Laura's always been a wild one. She's just messing around with me. "She's basically one of the guys. You don't need to think of her as a woman." My hand curled into a fist under the table. Not a woman, so it didn't matter if she got looked at, kissed, touched. That was the game the two of them played, the one nobody ever said out loud. I'd fought about it before, made a scene about it before, and every time he'd shut me down with the same line: she's basically one of the guys. As if pushing back any harder just meant I was petty and couldn't take a joke. Laura pouted. "Come on, Betty, you're really going to be bothered by that? Julian and I are basically sworn bros for life. Forget a kiss or a touch, we used to bathe together as kids." Julian sighed and clapped a hand over her mouth. "Would you stop saying things like that out loud?" Then he turned to me, smiling warmly. "You know how she is; she says whatever comes to mind. Don't take it seriously." My eyelashes trembled, but I forced my spine straight. "Since it's a challenge, why not have the rest of the guys take a turn too? Spread the love around." Laura froze. Before she could say anything, Jennifer spoke up first, her voice sharp with accusation. "Betty, that's too far. Do you really think it's funny to humiliate a girl like that?" Bobby frowned at me too, clearly disapproving. "If you've got a problem, take it out on us. Laura didn't do anything wrong." Something twisted under my sternum until it hurt to breathe. I wanted to ask them outright, if she's innocent, does that make it fine to humiliate me? But my throat closed up, and no sound came out. I looked up at the two of them standing in front of me. One was my best friend who'd once thrown herself between me and an angry patient's family. The other was my own younger brother, the one who'd nearly picked up a knife the day he found out someone had wronged me. And now, for the sake of an outsider, they were treating me like an enemy. My eyes burned, and something bitter settled in my chest, like a fist closing around it. Before I could open my mouth, Charles suddenly rushed at me. "Bad Mommy! You're bullying Laura! I don't want you. Go away, just go away!" He clenched his little fists and slammed them into my stomach with everything he had. A child's strength wasn't much, but the pain went straight through me. This was the child I'd carried for ten months and nearly died delivering. When he was small, he used to wrap his arms around my head and promise, in that lisping little voice, that he'd protect me when he grew up. When had that started to change? Maybe it was the time I wouldn't let him have candy because of his cavities, and Laura had snuck him off for cake instead. Or maybe it was the time I'd signed him up for an enrichment class, only for Julian and Laura to whisk him off to an amusement park halfway through. I couldn't even name the feeling in my chest, just the sense of something sincere being trampled over and over. I stood up and shoved the door open with the last of my strength. The door swung shut behind me. I slid down against the wall in the hallway, and the tears I'd been holding back finally broke free. Inside, the laughter started up again. One of Julian's friends teased him. "Come on, man, aren't you going to go chase down your wife and smooth things over?" Julian's voice was careless. "No need. She'll cool off and come back on her own." Jennifer chimed in too. "Betty doesn't have anywhere else to go. At most she'll take a walk around the block." Bobby added, "Don't worry, there's still Charles. Betty won't stay mad long, not with him here." My whole body shook, and I couldn't stop it. I wiped the tears from my face and pulled out my phone. I typed out a message to my attorney. [Jack, could you draft me a divorce agreement?] Chapter 2 By the time I got home, it was already ten at night. I'd barely changed and climbed into bed when my phone lit up with a notification. Laura had posted a new video, a challenge she'd apparently just filmed that same night. The comments were already buzzing. "I hereby declare Julian is the hottest of all the guys!" "Seconded! Let's get Julian promoted to Laura's husband, lol!" "Same! I'm booking a seat at the head table when they get married!" I scrolled through them one by one, almost punishing myself with it. The husband I'd spent seven years with was "Laura's best future husband" in her videos. And everyone around us had quietly agreed to keep it from me, to let me play the fool who actually believed in "just friends." A new comment from Julian popped up. Julian: [Out of all the guys, have you filmed with anyone else?] Laura: [Relax, relax. The fans all say you're the hottest one. Why else would they be voting you in as my future husband?] My chest tightened. I forced myself to keep watching them flirt right out in the open, blinking hard to hold back the sting in my throat. I clicked over to Laura's profile. It was almost entirely challenge videos, and every single one starred Julian. I kept scrolling and found the one from my own birthday, the night I'd waited at the restaurant until midnight only to get a single text from him: [Sorry, working late.] That same night, Laura had posted a video captioned [Challenge: tell your best buddy I love you without getting caught.] Another one was from Charles's parent-child day at school, the day I'd specifically taken off work, only for Jennifer to ask me last-minute to cover her shift instead. That day, Laura had posted [Challenge: pretend to be the brat's mom without getting caught.] In the video, Charles beamed and called her Mom over and over. Jennifer had even commented underneath: [Such a happy little family of three.] A wave of absurdity crashed over me, so sudden I doubled over and dry-heaved into my hand. It was the middle of summer, but I felt cold to the bone. I thought back to the last time Julian and I had a cold war over Laura, and how Jennifer had held me and said, "Laura's just loyal and kind-hearted. She likes to joke around, that's all. Don't take it to heart." I hadn't realized it then, but I was already the last piece to fall for that lie. Every betrayal, it turned out, had left its tracks all along. I finally drifted off sometime after midnight. The mattress dipped behind me, and a second later, a warm hand settled around my waist. Julian pressed close against my neck, his breath washing over my ear. "Sorry, honey. You're not still mad, are you?" His voice was lazy, carrying the easy certainty of a man who already knew the answer. I lowered my eyes, my smile turning bitter. Here we go again. Every single time, Julian only ever showed up to smooth things over after I'd already choked down the worst of it on my own. And yet he used to be so different. Back when we first started dating, he'd said he couldn't bear the thought of me falling asleep upset. So for years, whenever we fought, he was always the first to cave and apologize. Not until Laura got back from living abroad, and told him a woman shouldn't be spoiled or she'd only get more high-maintenance, that he needed to let me stew for a few days first. Julian had listened. And sure enough, a few days later, I couldn't take it anymore and went to him first to make peace. I hadn't even noticed how, little by little, Laura's shadow had crept into every corner of our relationship. His hand reached for me again, and I shifted away from it. Julian sighed, sounding put out. "Who was it that used to beg to fall asleep in her husband's arms every night, hm?" He pulled me back into his chest by force, and the familiar scent of cedar wrapped around me. But underneath it, I caught something else: a trace of gardenia, the perfume that belonged to Laura. My tears soaked into the pillow. I finally spoke, my voice barely above a whisper. "Julian, let's get a divorce." Chapter 3 Julian didn't catch the latter part of my sentence because his special ringtone went off, the one reserved for exactly one contact. Laura. Julian picked up, said a few words, grabbed his coat, and headed for the door. He paused halfway there, as if he'd just remembered I existed, and glanced back. "What were you saying, honey? It's nothing important, I'm sure. Go to sleep; we'll talk when I'm back." The door slammed shut, and the room fell silent again. I bit down on my lip, but I couldn't stop the sound that finally broke loose. I didn't sleep at all that night. The next morning, I'd just gotten to the hospital when a nurse came rushing over. "Dr. Milton! We've got a car accident victim coming into the ER, hurry!" From a distance, I saw Laura lying on a stretcher, covered in blood. Charles stood beside her, choking back tears. "Laura, you have to be okay, please wake up..." Julian gripped her hand, his face twisted with an anguish he wasn't even trying to hide. A pair of nurses whispered nearby. "That man's hurt too, but he won't say a word; he's just gritting through it so his wife doesn't worry." "Aw, what a devoted husband. I told him to get treated first, but he refused to budge from her side." My fingers curled slightly. My mind drifted back to a few days earlier. I'd been curled up in bed on my period, sweating through the pain, and I'd called out for Charles through gritted teeth. He'd come to the door, taken one look at me, and rolled his eyes. "Stop faking it, Mom. Get up and make dinner. Laura says you only pretend to be sick when you don't feel like taking care of me and Dad." I'd watched him shut the door again and could only tell myself he was still little, that he didn't know any better. By the time Julian got home that evening, the pain had gotten so bad I couldn't even speak. He dug through the cabinets for a while before giving up. "We're out of painkillers, honey. Just order yourself a box." He handed me a glass of warm water, then scooped up Charles and headed straight back out. "We're heading out first, honey. Take care of yourself. It's Laura's birthday today, and you know how she gets. If I'm late, she'll have my head." The memory cut off there. I laughed at myself. So this was how obvious the difference was between loving someone and not. I'd bet everything on this relationship, and I'd lost, completely and without a doubt. Whatever hope I'd had left died out quietly, without a sound. I turned and walked into the operating room. When I came back out, Julian was leaning against the wall. The second he saw me, he rushed over. "How is she, Doctor? Is she going to be okay?" I kept my voice even. "The patient's stable. There were deep lacerations on her face that needed stitches. There may be scarring." Julian blinked, as if he was only just now registering that it was me standing in front of him. Before he could say another word, Jennifer and Bobby came running up from down the hall, already shouting accusations. "What do you mean, scarring? Laura's an influencer; do you have any idea how much her face is worth to her?" "Betty, I am so disappointed in you. Using your position as a doctor to settle a personal grudge, seriously?" The accusation hit so much harder than it should have. I shook my head without thinking. "I didn't do anything of that sort!" They weren't listening. Jennifer jabbed a finger at me. "I know exactly how good you are. You're supposed to be a surgical miracle worker. If you'd actually wanted to, there's no way Laura would end up with a single scar!" Bobby stepped up too, practically vibrating with righteous anger. "Haven't we put up with enough of your moods at home? Why do you have it out for Laura specifically? She's generous, straightforward, and never once makes things difficult for any of us. She's worth a hundred of you." He spat the words out like he'd been holding them in for a while, then dragged Jennifer away without looking back. I stood frozen, pinned in place by what they'd just said. Julian looked at me, something complicated in his expression, his lips parting like he wanted to say something. In the end, he said nothing at all. The moment they turned away, the composure I'd been holding onto by sheer force collapsed all at once. My legs went weak, and I caught myself against the back of a chair. My chest burned like someone had pressed a hot iron straight into it, and my whole body shook with the pain. It felt like something inside me had been pulled out, torn apart, crushed into pieces that could never be put back the way they were. I leaned against the wall, trying to catch my breath, when a nurse came running up. "Dr. Milton, it's bad. You need to check your phone right now!" Chapter 4 Laura posted another update to her account, this time a few photos of her face wrapped in gauze. The caption read: [One face, sacrificed to the surgical miracle worker, Dr. Betty Milton.] The ambiguity of it sent the comment section into a frenzy. "Is that our queen getting botched by a doctor after a little touch-up?" "Give Laura back her natural beauty! Oh my god!!" "Which hospital did this to her? Some 'miracle worker,' more like a butcher!" Fans traced the hospital from her location tag, and within minutes, they'd dug up every piece of my personal information. My private messages, calls, and texts on all social accounts exploded all at once. I went cold all over, my hand shaking so hard I could barely hold the phone. I stumbled toward Laura's hospital room, only to have Julian block me at the door. He seemed to understand exactly how close I was to breaking, and sighed. "Betty, calm down. Laura didn't mean for this to happen. "None of us expected the fans to go this crazy. We're handling it already." Something close to desperation clawed up from the ashes of my chest. I grabbed his arm. "Make Laura take the video down right now, and apologize to me." Before Julian could answer, Jennifer and Bobby stepped out and planted themselves in front of the door. Bobby tore my hand off him. "Laura's an influencer. If she deletes it now, it's basically admitting she lied, and her whole career is over. Sis, you can't be this selfish, only thinking about yourself." Jennifer pulled me even further back. "What is there for you to make a scene about? Laura's face scar was your fault to begin with. She's being generous just by not filing a complaint against you." On the other side of the door, Charles had planted himself in front of Laura too. "Get out! You're a horrible woman! I won't let you hurt Laura!" I stood frozen, staring at the faces in front of me, all of them suddenly unrecognizable. How could words this cruel come out of their mouths? They'd told me, once, that we were the best kind of family there was. I stared at them, and I didn't even have the strength left to cry. "She can't be ruined. What about me?" Dead silence fell around us. No one answered. Before anyone could, a commotion broke out at the door. After a burst of crashing and shouting, a man in black came charging straight at me. "You dared to scar Laura's face, you hack! I'll kill you!" His eyes were bloodshot. Julian's hand shot out on instinct to stop him. Laura, seeing the chaos unfold, tried to drag herself out of bed, then let out a scream and went limp, collapsing. Julian, who'd been standing between me and the man, pulled away instantly, and everyone rushed into the room at once, shoving past each other to get to her. The knife plunged straight through my palm. Blood poured out, and I dropped to my knees, the pain searing. Julian scooped Laura up and ran, shouting for a doctor in a panic. Jennifer, Bobby, and Charles all stayed at her side, stepping around me without so much as a glance. Seven years of my life, and it had all become a joke. But it was fine. There wouldn't be a next time. After my hand was stitched up, I went home and packed everything as fast as I could, then took a car straight to the airport. 'Julian, count me out of every single one of your games and challenges from now on.'