Rejected By My Head Healer Mate After I Bore His Pup

My pup is coming early, and my mate won't answer my mind-link. I hold my belly and stumble out of the house, waving down the first pack rider on the border road. He wipes the sweat off his brow. "The main Healing Den's too far. Let me drop you at the midwife's cottage instead." Another contraction tears through me. I shake my head, teeth clenched. "My whole family's at the main Den. I'll feel safer there." But I labor on the birthing mat for ten hours before Thane Blackwood, my mate, finally walks in. "Willa's gone into labor too. I have to handle hers. An apprentice will take care of you." Willa Vane. The rogue orphan my parents took in when we were kids. I claw at his fingers with what strength I have left. "Thane. I'm your mate." He slides his hand out of mine without so much as a blink. "That's exactly why. If I deliver you, the whole Den will say I played favorites." Something inside me splinters. The labor pain is one thing. But through the mate bond, another kind of pain hits, sharper, uglier. My wolf howls somewhere deep in my chest, and I can barely tell which is worse anymore, the contractions or him. I try to block his way. My legs won't hold me but I don't care. Then my parents walk in and pin me down. "Selene. Listen to me. That pup Willa's carrying, it's Thane's." "He's been holding it in your whole pregnancy just to spare your feelings. Be kind, for once. Let him bring his own pup into the world." I stare up at the wooden rafters above the mat. There's a ringing in my ears. When they finally lay the tiny wet bundle in my arms, my voice barely comes out. "Pup. You're staying with Mama, okay?" ... I walk out of the birthing room. No wildflowers on the door. No comfort. No one waiting. Only a mind-link, humming weak and thin. Selene, so no one accuses us of favoritism, your dad and I are staying up here. — Mom. A cluster of apprentice Healers passes by, whispering. "Head Healer Ashford's adopted girl had her pup today. Told the whole Den to spoil her rotten." "She even had a whole basket of moon-lilies sent up." "Not blood, but tighter than blood. Isn't that sweet?" I close my eyes. This hurts worse than the labor did. Every recovery room in the Den is taken. The head matron spots me and mind-links Thane herself. "Healer Blackwood, don't worry, I'll get your mate a room of her own." His voice comes back cold enough to freeze the link. "Follow the rules. No special treatment. Why should she rest easy while everyone else makes do?" I almost died bringing his pup into this world. And he kicks me aside like a scrap of rogue meat. I press my face against my pup's warm cheek, feel the soft baby-fur that hasn't come in yet, and the tears just keep coming. After a lot of arguing, they lay a straw pallet on the floor of the Healing Den's back corridor and leave me on it. Cold air pours in every time someone shifts out through the outer door. Thane strides past. My pup starts to cry. Weak. Hungry. His steps hitch. He doesn't stop. His apprentices trail behind, chatting. "Healer Blackwood's rushing back to his lady, I bet." "She's up in the Luna's Chamber, right? Heard he asked the Alpha himself to open that room for her." I'm curled up in a freezing corridor with a newborn on my chest. So who's the lady they're talking about? Willa? For her, cold, proud Thane actually begged. Fresh blood seeps down my thighs. A sharp cramp knifes through my belly. I don't let myself follow the thought. My pup's face is blotchy red from crying. And I've got nothing to feed her. I beg a passing Healer to bring me some bone broth and milk-herbs so my milk will come in. I wait. And wait. She comes back with a few strips of dry jerky. She won't quite look at me. "Healer Blackwood said every birthing she-wolf gets the same. Told me not to make an exception for you." I take it without a word. A few minutes later, Willa's voice slides into the pack link, warm and honey-sweet. She knows I'm on it. My mate laid out a whole feast for me. Made me swear to finish every bite. I'm gonna get so happy-plump~ She sends the scent with it. Fresh venison. Bone marrow. Warm honey-milk. All prepared by the Pack's finest kitchen Omega. Her pup sleeps in a carved cradle lined with fresh lambswool, cheeks pink and warm. My pup lies in a yellowed old swaddle someone dug out of a storage chest, her tiny face turning a dark, awful purple. So the whole "keeping it clean" act was only ever pointed at me. They can starve me. They can shame me. Fine. But now my pup pays the same price. This home. I don't want to stay in it anymore.

My pup keeps sucking on her tiny fist. She's starving. All I can do is force down the hard jerky, washing each bite with mouthfuls of water. I eat too fast. Something scrapes raw down my throat. My eyes sting. I choke down piece after piece. They swell inside my empty stomach until I feel sick. And still, no milk. She whimpers against my chest, hurting. "Here, dear. Try feeding her this." The old she-wolf on the pallet across from me holds out a warm wooden bowl of grain-mash. There's real pity in her eyes. I swallow the lump in my throat and thank her, quiet. "Where's her father? Why isn't he here looking after the two of you?" I drop my gaze. I can't say it out loud. That he's next door. Looking after someone else's pup. I blow on the mash carefully, cool it down, and bring it to my pup's lips. "Don't feed her that!" Thane strides over and knocks the bowl clean out of my hand. His eyes go cold. "Do you have any idea her body can't take that yet?" The hot mash splashes across my thighs. I flinch and pull my pup away on instinct. Thane clicks his tongue. "You're so delicate now you can't even hold a bowl?" The look in his eyes says it all. He thinks I'm putting on a show. I bite down on my lip and force the heat out of my eyes. "Then what am I supposed to do?" "She's hungry. I ate a few pieces of jerky. I've got nothing to give her." He frowns. "Are you blaming me?" "Whose fault is it you never ate right? No wonder your milk hasn't come in." Like I chose not to eat. I couldn't. The whole pregnancy, everything I put in my mouth came back up. The pup's scent inside me made my own wolf sick. I thought Thane knew. He'd written a whole thick journal of notes on my pregnancy. I used to feel so warm reading it. Now I look back at all the little details in there that never matched what I actually went through. Maybe he wasn't writing about me at all. Maybe he was writing about Willa. And I was stupid enough to read those pages over and over like they were love letters. The tears fall before I can stop them. Thane's thin mouth presses tight. Finally, his voice softens. He wipes my tears roughly, almost angry. "We're in the Den. I can't be seen coddling you. People will say I abuse my rank." "I'll go bring you a bottle of milk." "Just this once. Don't make it a habit." He's gone for a few minutes and then he's back. "Willa mixed this herself. Drink up." The bottle is old. Chipped. Like something dug out of a scrap heap. But I don't have a choice. I test the temperature against my wrist, then bring it gently to my pup's mouth. She sucks twice, hard. Then wails. The milk she spits back up carries a heavy, sour reek. I fumble for a cloth and clean her mouth as fast as I can. Thane rubs his nose. His voice slides straight into defending Willa. "Willa probably mixed it wrong. She didn't mean it." "And pups are tougher than you think. Stop overreacting." The words barely leave his mouth. A soft, trembling mind-link floats in from the next room. Thane, the baby suddenly won't eat. What do I do? He's out the door in a heartbeat. Mind-linking a Pup Care Healer to hurry over as he goes. Every noble word about "keeping it clean" — gone. Just like that. He can panic after all. Just not for us. I bow my head, useless, and press my cheek against my pup's soft one. The old she-wolf shuffles closer. She sighs. "Girl. A mate like that isn't worth keeping." I nod. "Yeah. I'm not keeping him."

A kind Healer sneaks me a fresh bottle. My pup drinks it down like she's starving. Her thin little eyelids drift shut. Finally, she sleeps. But not even an hour later, two wolves out in the corridor start shouting at each other over some spilled tonic, and she jolts awake, wailing. I've got no choice. I bundle her up and carry her down to Thane's chamber at the back of the Den. "I want to put in a request for a room." "Denied." He doesn't even look up from the herb scroll in his hand. "Too many eyes on me in here. I'm not pulling rank to hand you a room." Fine. I'll take less. "Then can we at least rest in your chamber for a bit?" "No one can call it favoritism if we stay in your space." Thane looks up. "If you two camp out in here, how am I supposed to work?" Since the day I met him, I've known Thane was a workaholic. He barely ever answered my mind-links. When he did, it was one word. Noted. That was it. I thought he was like that with everyone. But right in front of me, when Willa's mind-link pings, he opens it on the first pulse. Voice soft. Warm. Almost tender. "It's fine, I'll come settle the pup, don't worry." "Work? Work's nothing next to you." So he does know how to soothe a pup. Our pup has been alive for two days and he hasn't held her once. I grab his sleeve. Something in me needs an answer. "Thane. Why does Willa get the Luna's Chamber and your own pup and I sleep in a hallway?" He looks down at me. His eyes go so cold I take a step back on instinct. "You seriously going to sit there and pretend you don't know?" "That winter you lost your temper and shoved Willa into a frozen pond. You wrecked her wolf. She can't even shift straight anymore." "If I hadn't taken care of her under my own hands, she'd be dead." "Selene. You just can't stand the thought of her happy, can you?" I open my mouth. Nothing comes out. I've said it a hundred times. I didn't push her. But they only ever believe the girl who cries. They handed down my sentence years ago. When I stay quiet, Thane's mouth twists into a thin, cold smile. "That right there. That's the difference between you and Willa." "If she saw you happy, she'd be glad for you." "You? You're never satisfied. Always jealous. Always losing it over nothing." I shake my head. Tears burning. I reach out to touch him. My hand grabs air. He was the one who pulled me against him and said he wanted a pup. His arms around my waist. His idea. I thought we were finding our way back to each other. I never realized we were walking straight to the split in the road. I hold my pup closer and keep my voice quiet. "If I'm this awful, I'll stop hanging on you." "Thane. Let's break the bond." His back goes stiff. Maybe I imagined it. I finally gave him the words. He should be over the moon. I've been standing too long. Pain flares low in my belly. I lean on the edge of the table and breathe through it. I pull the door open. A young apprentice is waiting outside. "Selene, Healer Blackwood said to bring you somewhere quiet." The girl sneaks a look at me. Then, quiet, sly: "So what is Healer Blackwood to you, exactly?" "Word is he called in a big favor with another Healer just to get you this room." I press my lips together. I give him exactly what he wants to hear. "Just a friend." Finally. Somewhere quiet to sleep. I pat my pup's back and hum her down, slow and easy. But bit by bit. The warmth in my palm starts to feel wrong.