The Daughter They Erased

On the day of the college entrance exam, just as I was writing my name on the answer sheet, my progressive amnesia struck again. When the scores came out, my younger sister had earned 680 points. I had earned eight. Mom was so furious she slapped me hard across the face. "Even if you'd guessed with your eyes closed, you would've scored higher than eight! "I think you did this on purpose!" I covered my swollen cheek and hid in my room. The moment I shut the door, the eraser inside my head moved. A second later, I turned around and walked back out. Mom was sitting on the couch, trembling with anger. I asked softly, "Mom, why are you so upset? Did someone make you mad?" I reached out to wipe away her tears, but she flinched away like I was some kind of monster. That night, my older brother came home with a dark look on his face. He stood outside my door and shouted, "You score an eight and still have the nerve to talk back to Mom and play dumb? Get out!" He shoved my clothes into a suitcase and pushed me out the door along with it. The moment I was pushed out, the eraser in my head moved again. A second later, I looked up at my brother and gave him a sweet smile. "Caleb, why did you pack so much stuff? Are we all going on a family trip?" But he didn't say a word. He just slammed the door shut. That night, the whole family took my sister out for a fancy dinner. Everyone except me. I went back to my room and cried all night. But when I woke up the next morning, I couldn't remember why my pillow was wet. Then, on the day my sister left for college, Mom said I was an embarrassment and dumped me beside a highway interchange. I stood on the side of the road as traffic rushed past, and my mind went completely blank. I wanted to go home, but I couldn't remember my address. I couldn't even remember who I was. By the time my family came home, happy after seeing my sister off, they finally noticed. I was gone. Chapter 1 "Caleb, are we going to the beach? That's awesome!" I grinned and called out to my older brother. I remembered Mom saying last month that once the entrance exams were over, the whole family would take a trip to the coast. But Caleb gave me a look of utter disappointment. "Lily, you're hopeless." Bang! The front door slammed in my face. I stood alone in the empty hallway, a dull ache spreading through my chest. I didn't understand. Why were Caleb and Mom so angry? Had I said something wrong just now and upset them? All I'd done was ask if we were going to the beach. I tried hard to piece together the scattered fragments of memory in my head. But the harder I tried, the worse my head hurt. Ding! The elevator doors opened, and the motion-sensor lights flickered back on. Jason Parker, my childhood friend, stepped out holding a bouquet of sunflowers. When he saw me crouched outside the door, he stopped, his brows drawing together. "Emma says you upset your mom again?" I froze, then shook my head desperately. "I didn't..." Jason looked at my red-rimmed eyes, and his expression softened. He walked over and held out his hand, the way he used to when we were kids. His voice gentled. "The floor's cold. Get up. Whatever happened, just go in, tell your mom you're sorry, and it'll be fine." Looking at his outstretched hand, I felt a bittersweet warmth well up inside me. I put my hand in his and nodded hard. "Okay." Jason turned and punched in the code on our door lock for me. The door opened. In the living room, Mom was already wearing her favorite dark green silk dress. Caleb and my younger sister, Emma, had changed into new clothes too. "Jason, you came!" Emma's eyes lit up when she saw him at the door, and she flew over to him like a happy little bird. Jason walked right past me and placed the sunflowers in her arms. "Emma, congratulations on scoring 680." 680... Hearing that number, my brain finally kicked into gear. Oh, right! Today was results day for the entrance exam. Then... then what had I scored? "All right, everyone's here. The restaurant's holding our table. Let's go." Caleb grabbed the car keys and headed out, tossing the words over his shoulder. Mom picked up her clutch too. Then she reached the entryway and saw me. The smile vanished from her face. "You stay home! "With a score like yours, you think you deserve a fancy dinner? How is that fair to your sister?" I opened my mouth, but "Where are you going?" caught in my throat. So they were taking Emma out to celebrate. The whole family. Everyone except me. Jason stood to one side, looking from the dressed-up Carters to me, fidgeting awkwardly. Something complicated flickered in his eyes. While Mom and Caleb went to call the elevator, he pulled a crumpled ten-dollar bill from his pocket and slipped it into my palm. "Go downstairs and get yourself something good to eat. "Don't come along today. You'll only make your mom angry again." "Jason, the elevator's here!" Emma called happily from the end of the hall. "Coming!" Jason turned and answered, then walked toward them without looking back. The elevator doors slid shut, cutting off their happy laughter. Clutching the ten dollars Jason had given me, I wandered aimlessly down the busy street. Smoke drifted up from a food stand across the road. I was about to go over and buy something to eat. In the next second, a sharp ringing pierced my head. I stopped dead in the middle of the crosswalk. I blinked. The street in front of me suddenly looked completely unfamiliar. I looked down at the slippers on my feet, then at the ten-dollar bill, warm and crumpled in my hand. I froze. Why... had I come downstairs? Chapter 2 When I woke up the next morning, my pillow was soaked. I tried to remember what had happened last night, and why my pillow was wet. But my mind was a total blank. It wasn't until I heard Emma and Caleb laughing and joking outside my door that I remembered. I was sick. When I was little, I kept forgetting the way home. Mom took me to see a doctor. He said I had a rare condition called progressive amnesia. My memories could suddenly disappear, and one day, they might just as suddenly come back. On the way home that day, I held Mom's hand and asked, "Mom, what did the doctor mean?" At first, Mom would still crouch down and patiently soothe me. "It means there's a naughty little eraser inside Lily's head." But I kept forgetting. I asked her again and again what was wrong with me. Until one day, Mom slapped my hand away. She broke down and screamed at me, "You're an idiot! Can't you understand that?!" Oh. So I was an idiot. I rubbed my throbbing temples and dug a journal out of the drawer. I wanted to write down what Mom had said. That way, I wouldn't forget, and I wouldn't make her angry anymore. But the moment I pulled the cap off my pen and got ready to write, I froze. What was I going to write? I couldn't remember at all. All I could do was flip back through my old entries. The newest page said: "Jason helped me with homework today. I really, really like Jason." I stared at the words, completely stunned. I liked Jason? Who... was Jason? I pounded my head with my fist and kept flipping back. On the yellowed pages, my handwriting was still neat. "I got the highest score in my class on finals today! Caleb lifted me up in the air and said I was his pride and joy." "Mom bought me a new dress and said I'm the smartest girl in the whole world." I stared at the words "highest score," and tears suddenly splashed onto the paper without warning. So I'd once had the highest score in my class. So I'd once been the child they loved most. When had everything changed? With trembling hands, I kept turning the pages. The handwriting grew messier and more frantic. "I went into the wrong classroom again today." "I can't even memorize the easiest formulas anymore. Mom called me useless and said I'm not half the girl Emma is." "The doctor said my brain is broken." Looking at the words in the journal, I felt as though an invisible hand were squeezing my heart. The helplessness of not being able to control myself was driving me crazy. I hadn't just lost my grades and my family's love. Now, bit by bit, I was turning into a useless person I didn't even recognize. Bang! My bedroom door was suddenly flung open. Mom stood in the doorway, her face cold, her eyes full of disgust. "Look at the time, and you're still lazing around! "Tomorrow, remember to remind your sister to submit her college applications! You may not be going to college, but she is!" With that, she slammed the door without sparing me another glance. I flinched all over. I quickly grabbed my phone, bit down hard on my lip, and set an alarm for eight the next morning. So I wouldn't forget. I didn't do anything else all day. I just lay quietly in bed, repeating it to myself over and over. "Eight tomorrow. Remind Emma to submit her applications." "Eight tomorrow. Remind Emma to submit her applications." ... I didn't dare stop. I was afraid that the moment I stopped, that stupid eraser would wipe the sentence away. So I dug my nails hard into my palm and repeated it in my head ten thousand times. "Eight tomorrow. Remind Emma to submit her applications." Only when the sky began to lighten did I finally drift off to sleep. Chapter 3 At eight the next morning, a shrill alarm exploded beside my pillow. I jolted upright in bed. I stared at the alarm on my phone screen, gasping for breath. What was I supposed to do? Why had I set this alarm? It had to be something important! I tugged desperately at my hair, trying to chase the eraser away. But my mind was wiped clean. There was nothing there. I was so anxious that tears kept falling, but all I could do was sit dazed on the edge of the bed. At eleven thirty, Mom came home from work. As she changed her shoes, she shouted toward Emma's room, "Emma, sweetheart! Did you submit your applications?" Emma's groggy, just-woke-up voice came from her bedroom, followed by a scream. "Oh no! I'm dead! Lily didn't wake me up!" Mom stormed into my room like a madwoman. Smack! The slap knocked me to the floor. My ears rang. "Lily! You did that on purpose, didn't you?! "You turned in a blank test and ruined your own future, so now you want to drag your sister down with you!" Mom pointed a finger at my nose, shaking with rage. I held my cheek and stared at her blankly. Applications... I remembered now. At eight this morning, I was supposed to wake Emma up so she could submit her applications. The sentence I'd repeated ten thousand times had been erased anyway. The apartment descended into chaos. Caleb burst through the door, drenched in sweat. He shoved the crying Emma aside, grabbed the mouse, and clicked furiously. 11:59. The page froze for a few seconds, then finally displayed: "Submission successful." The whole family collapsed into their chairs. I huddled in the corner and quietly let out a breath. Thank goodness. I hadn't ruined things for Emma. That night, I was sent to bed without dinner. Hunger cramped my stomach as I curled up in bed. This couldn't go on. I was too stupid. My brain was broken. I had to find a way to make myself less stupid. I rummaged through my drawers and dug out a palm-sized notebook and a pen. Whenever they said anything, I'd write it down right away and carry the notebook with me. That way, I'd never make another mistake. Holding the notebook, I tiptoed out of my room. I wanted to apologize to Mom. "Mom..." Mom was sitting on the couch, rubbing her temples. At the sound of my voice, she turned her head in disgust. "Shut up. Don't bother me. Just hearing you talk gives me a headache." I shut my mouth at once. I lowered my head and carefully wrote in the notebook: "Mom doesn't like hearing me talk. I have to keep my mouth shut from now on." Caleb came out of the kitchen with a glass of water. He shot me a cold glance. "Today, the relatives asked which schools you applied to. I was too embarrassed to tell them. "You're an embarrassment. I really wish you weren't my sister." I nodded and stepped back to clear the way. Then I turned to a new page and wrote, letter by careful letter: "Caleb wishes I didn't exist. Try not to let him see me." When I was done, I tucked the notebook into my pocket, close to my body. That evening, the smell of dinner drifted from the dining room. I was so hungry I couldn't stand it, so I crept to the corner of the hallway. Jason was there too, filling Emma's plate. He glanced up, saw me, and frowned. "Lily, how long are you going to keep sulking? Come apologize to your mom and eat with us." My stomach growled. I was just about to open my mouth and say I was sorry. But my fingers brushed the hard notebook in my pocket. "Mom doesn't like hearing me talk." "Try not to let Caleb see me." I pressed my lips tightly shut again. Then I lowered my head and silently retreated into my dark room. Behind me, I heard Jason's disappointed voice. "See, Mrs. Carter? She won't even say sorry anymore. Nothing gets through to her." Time slipped by like that as I kept writing everything down. The notebook filled with more and more words. A few months later, it was time for Emma to leave for college. Chapter 4 Today was the day the whole family was driving Emma to Boston for college. I sat obediently in the back seat, so happy. Because it was the first time in months they'd been willing to take me anywhere with them. Mom sat in the passenger seat and turned around to give Emma gentle reminders. "Take good care of yourself at college. If you run short on money, just tell me." As he drove, Caleb glanced at me in the rearview mirror. "With your sister's old grades, she'd have gotten into Kingsley University, no problem. "But since she chose to turn in a blank test, that's on her. "You won't have your sister at school with you, so you'll need to keep your wits about you." Hearing that, I was stunned for a second, and then I burst out laughing. "What are you guys talking about? "The entrance exam isn't for another two years! "Did Emma lie and tell you she got into Kingsley? Emma, you're such a joker, haha!" Screech! The moment the words left my mouth, Caleb slammed on the brakes. The car went deathly silent. Everyone turned and stared at me like I was some kind of monster. "Lily, have you lost your mind?" Caleb gritted his teeth, his eyes full of disgust. Mom's face went ashen. She jabbed a finger in my face and exploded. "Not only did you turn in a blank test, now you're spreading lies about your sister! "You can't stand to see her do well, can you? You ungrateful little brat!" Mom threw open the back door. "Get out! I don't want to see you!" Caleb gave me a hard shove, and I stumbled out of the car. Bang! The door slammed shut. The car sped off, kicking up a cloud of dust. I stood beside the highway interchange with traffic rushing past, stunned. I fumbled the notebook and pen out of my pocket and, with shaking hands, wrote on the newest page: "Mom told me to get lost. She said she doesn't want to see me." The moment I finished the last word, my hand stopped. In the next second, my mind went blank. Cars sped past, whipping up gusts of wind that howled in my ears. I looked up and glanced around, confused. What... was I supposed to be doing? Why was I standing on the side of the road? Suddenly, a beat-up van pulled up right in front of me. The window rolled down, and a heavyset middle-aged man leaned out, looking me up and down. "Hey there, kiddo. What are you doing out here all alone? "Where do you live? How about I give you a ride home?" I opened my mouth, but my mind was empty. "I live at... Where... where do I live?" The man exchanged a look with the man in the passenger seat, and something in his eyes changed. He opened the door, got out, and lowered his voice. "Then what's your name, sweetie?" I tried desperately to remember. "My name is Lily... Lily what?" The man smiled. He grabbed my arm and pulled me toward the van. "I know you. Come on, I'll take you home." I let him lead me into the van in a daze. "Really? You can take me home?" "Of course. Hop in." The van's sliding door slammed shut and swallowed me whole. Two days later. Mom and Caleb came home. As Mom changed her shoes, she called toward my room, "Lily, why haven't you answered my messages these past few days? "Was I too harsh in the car? I've thought it over, and I lost my temper. I'm sorry." Caleb chimed in too. "I owe you an apology too. "I bet you've been living on takeout for days, huh? Come on out. I brought you a box of cannoli from Boston..." Caleb walked over and pushed open my bedroom door. His voice broke off. The room was completely empty.